One small step for woman....... sylvia3113: (Well, I originally posted this in premium, but apparently that was a mistake. I'll deal with those frustrations later. Obviously, to get any response or support, I must post here and hope the newbies help me out. Sometimes I think after all this time, I should stop posting on the upper boards and only respond with support for newbies, but I am not healed and still need support of my own, soooooo.........)
Original post starts now:
Well, I've made a tiny bit of progress. I erased all the messages on my answering machine. I have kept every message that my xh left since he moved out about 11 months ago.
Next step, delete all cell phone messages. I have some of them still from 2004 when he "just called to say I love you!" and after we got married and he called to say "this is your HUSBAND" and the ones not long before he left when he was desperately worried about me driving to work in early in the morning on icy roads. I actually forwarded a couple to him when this all started (or ended, I guess) just to "refresh his memory".
Sometimes I think I'm starting to get over him if it wasn't for the excrutiating loneliness and isolation I'm dealing with. I can go for days and days and days without talking to anyone (other than going to work). In fact, I could be in my home dead for a loooooong time and no one but my employer would even notice. and that's not really an exaggeration.
This isn't really where I expected to be at this stage in my life. Ok, maybe I should title this "One step forward and two steps back".........
Re: One small step for woman....... Goddess: I'm sorry curly ..I should have responded when I saw this in premium :-[
I think you are making great strides..its always hard to get rid of those little memories that remind us of the good times. So you are doing great..its all in babysteps..thats what this whole divorce thing seems to be about..moving forward in babysteps..
First you crawl..then you stand up..fall down..stand up..fall down again..and then before you know it you're putting one foot in front of the other and walking forward ;)
I understand the easier to be isolated part.. and if you were missing for too long I'm sure an ojar posse would be sent to find you. ;) ;)
I dont think after a divorce its ever where we expected to be..its just where we are..and we have to do what we can to make the best of it..remember how strong you are and rediscover who YOU are without him. You might just be surprised at what you find :)
Best of luck on your journey!
Goddess
Re: One small step for woman....... minneapolis: Deleting the messages is a HUGE step. I remember when I was finally able to delete the last one. And it wasn't the end of the pain or the end of missing him or the end of loneliness...but it was step towards all of those things. And this journey of healing is all just a bunch of little steps like that put together. Yes, you will step backwards from time to time, but keep making an effort to move forward to and you willget there.
Your other comment particularly struck me. I have often that I could die on a Friday evening and no one would notice until the staff meeting on Tuesday morning. Sure, some people might call but they'd leave a message and go on with their days. I think it's kind of normal for us to feel that way. I am making great efforts at developing deeper friendships and relationships (and not just so that someone calls the cops when I don't show up for a few days) because that's what this feeling is really about.
Hang in there. It will get better. Every day try for one step forward. And don't beat yourself up for the times you fall down. It's okay
Re: One small step for woman....... alonewith2: Erasing the messages was a HUGE step forward. Please don't discount it or brush it off. Saving messages is a part of you still hanging on to the past. By erasing them, you are finally deciding to move forward!!
The loneliness will not go away just overnight. But slowly and surely it will start to fade. The key is finding things to do to keep your mind preoccupied. Meeting new people, forming relationships, rebuilding your life....those will all help, too.
Re: One small step for woman....... Lumpy: Just wanted to agree with Minn and AW2. This is a big step curlygirl. It's hard to let go, but it's even harder to hang on. Keep on, keeping on...
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