Wedding vows.. why bother? Irony:
OK, so this one has perplexed me for a very long time and it's realliy hindering my ability to 'move on'...
What's the deal with wedding vows?
Call me old fashioned, but...
I mean, we promise til death do us part.
We promise to forsake all others.
We make these promises to each other, to those present, and to God.
So how come so many people can vow to be faithful and vow to grow old together, and yet blow off those same vows when they seem to make life, uh...inconvenient, shall we say?
D___ and I spent a lot of time and energy creating our unique wedding vows. (I wish I had a copy handy here right now) and one of the things we quoted was :
"Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend forever."?
We found a beautiful song, "If I Should Fall Behind" sung by Faith Hill, that we played at our wedding on the beach at sunset:
[color=navy"> If I Should Fall Behind
We said we'd walk together baby come what may
That come the twilight should we lose our way
If as we're walking a hand should slip free
I'll wait for you
And should I fall behind
Wait for me
We swore we'd travel darlin' side by side
We'd help each other stay in stride
But each lover's steps fall so differently
But I'll wait for you
And if I should fall behind
Wait for me
Now everyone dreams of a love lasting and true
But you and I know what this world can do
So let's make our steps clear that the other may see
And I'll wait for you
If I should fall behind
Wait for me
Now there's a beautiful river in the valley ahead
There 'neath the oak's bough soon we will be wed
Should we lose each other in the shadow of the evening trees
I'll wait for you
And should I fall behind
Wait for me
Darlin' I'll wait for you
Should I fall behind
Wait for me.
_____________[/color">
So, I take my marriage vows very seriously.
What I'm having a difficult time understanding is why people seem to think the vows said something like "As long as we both shall love".
I mean, if there was no belief by the person saying those words, then why did they say them?
I guess I know the answer to this.. that people can be untrustworthy and people change, and all that... but this is blatantly going back on a person's word.
Any comments on this from the Peanut Gallery?
Anybody else ever wonder the same thing?
Just curious and stuck in a rut about this.
iron man
Re: Wedding vows.. why bother? alonewith2: I know exactly how you feel, Irony!! I stayed in limbo for over 3 years because I believed in my vows. I truly thought that his cheating and general mistreatment of me was supposed to be considered a "bad" time...so I waited, I stuck by his side, I stayed his best friend and confidant, thinking that in the end we'd still be together.
It's such a disappointment to know that he didn't believe in the vows as much as I did. That a "bad" time was a reason to call it quits. I kept thinking we'd get through anything together. No matter what was said or what was done, we'd survive all that, forgive, and move on....together.
I still believe in wedding vows. I refuse to become a cynic and throw all my beliefs to the curb. I'm a romantic at heart, and I know that somewhere out there someone will share my beliefs.
We had two wedding songs. One that he sang to me during the wedding ceremony and one that we danced to at the reception. I still love both songs and believe in the words...though now, I know that the words aren't coming from him.
The one he sang to me: It's Your Love by Tim McGraw
Yea yea
Dancin' in the dark middle of the night
Takin' your heart and holdin' it tight
Emotional touch touchin' my skin
And asking you to do what you've been doin' all over again
Oh it's a beautiful thing don't think I can keep it all in
I just gotta let you know what it is that won't let me go
It's your love
It just does something to me
It sends a shock right through me
I can't get enough
And if you wonder
About the spell I'm under
Oh it's your love
Better than I was, more than I am
And all of this happened by taking your hand
And who I am now is who I wanted to be
And now that we're together,
I'm stronger than ever
I'm happy and free
Oh it's a beautiful thing,
Don't think I can keep it all in
If you asked me why I've changed,
All I gotta do is say your sweet name
It's your love
It just does something to me
It sends a shock right through me
I can't get enough
And if you wonder
About the spell I'm under
Oh, it's your love
Baby, Oh oh, oh,
Oh it's a beautiful thing,
Don't think I can keep it all in
I just gotta let you konw what it is that won't let me go
It's your love
It just does something to me
It sends a shock right through me
I can't get enough
And if you wonder
About the spell I'm under,
Oh it's your love
It's your love, it's your love, it's your love
The one we danced to: Open Your Eyes by Buck Cherry
Are you strong enough
Do you feel my touch
You are the comfort in my eyes
Moving through the lust
Feeling dangerous
I wanna open the door to your life
Chorus:
The steps we take on the way to free our minds
And lives have changed by the way we free our minds
And being with you was the moment
I opened my eyes
When you sleep at night
Are your dreams delight
Do all your fantasies fill your head
I want to dance with you
With the midnight moon
Want emotion and do it again
Chorus
Breathing in, breathing out your love
Breathing in, breathing out my love
Breathing in, breathing out your love
Come in closer now
To this love we found
Are you able to take this flight
It's come down to this
The first time we kissed
Like the ocean we sway you and I
Re: Wedding vows.. why bother? Irony: [color=navy">
I think I've already become a cynic AW2...
I mean how do you trust again? This has been very difficult for me and I know it's been difficult for her as well.. I pray daily and ask God to open her heart to me and to let us have one more chance before wandering off into eternity.
I know it would be different.. I don't want our old marriage .. it sucked.. we sucked at it big time.. We've both changed a lot in the past 6 months.. I no longer feel anger toward her, and strangely, this whole process has tought me unconditional love. I love her from the very bottom of my soul and would do anything for her.. I want her happy.. she deserves that and I didnt do anything to foster that in our marriage for sure... i only want this last chance...free of my depression, gainfully employed and happy with myself again....to show her what kind of life mate I can be.
I may never get that chance but will love her til the day I die.
iron man
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Re: Wedding vows.. why bother? LostTeacher: it's hard to believe in the truth of a statement, especially when a person tells you that he thinks he never should have married you.
we went through so much together getting to the point of getting married....i just didn't see it coming.
i think that divorce makes everyone a bit more cautious. but you have to be careful not to let it rule you.
although, yet i can't think too much about it, because i am not in a relationship yet. i haven't had the chance to give that love to a new person yet. i don't know how i will deal with those feelings. i know i want to be able to love someone again. i know i want to be married and have kids. i know i want a companion. i just don't know how to get there yet.
LT
Re: Wedding vows.. why bother? Freckles: You know what happened in my Marrage
I have posted about it often enough
:)
I gave my All to my Marrage even though it was like Sand pouring through My Fingers.
My Best Effort Was Usless
Like the Dam Busting in New Orleans
Now I am Wanting a New Wife (After Divorce Final)
But, I am afrad of all the BAD that happened in my Marrage
How can I start New ? Start Fresh ? When there is this Woman somewhere in the World that i spent 6 years of my life with.
We had Dreams and Hopes. What Happens to Those ?
What happens to all those Memories ? Good and Bad ?
What do I do with all those *Feelings of Loss ? Where do I put them ?
My StbxW has her Answer for how SHE Deals with all that. SHE just stays Stoned out of Her Mind 24/7 or Drunk and in Bed 24/7
What can *I* do. I don't know........
(i just know it will NOT be alcohol/drugs)
???
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