So tired of thinking about her Harpua: At the end of January my stbxw came to me and confessed an affair she'd been having with a guy in New York. I had thought she was going there on business when in fact she was going there to screw around. She confessed the affair to me because he had broken it off (trying to save his own marriage), and she wanted to "come clean". The crazy thing is, not forgiving her never even crossed my mind. It didn't even affect how much I loved her.
Well, three weeks later I caught her in a lie about where she was going, and she told me that she was sick of "propping me up" and was not attracted to me anymore. Next week she is moving to New York to be with him. She is in the film business and is obsessed with movies. Basically she's decided she wants to live the Sex and the City life. She told me there were four or five other guys, too, in the almost five years we were together, but she also said she couldn't remember when the first one was. I have to think it was a lot more than she said (she was always pretty promiscuous).
I finally had to quit my job because we had worked there together and it is too painful for me to be there. Her love of movies makes it hard to watch anything on TV. The New York connection is horrible because, well, try sometime to count how many times you see New York refrenced in various ways every day. I think about her all day and all night, and dream about her, and I just want it to stop.
I am an overweight and shy person who has a lot of trouble meeting people. Before I met my stbxw I had had sex with only two other women in my life (I'm now 31). It had been 5 years since the last time I had even kissed someone when she came along, and the thought of facing that kind of lonliness again is crushing to me. I'm trying to keep going, I have school for a couple more weeks, and I have good support from my family, but it is so hard some days to do things when I no longer feel I have a purpose in life. She was my reason for everything, and to find out that she didn't really love me just validates all of the negative things I have thought about myself.
Thanks for letting me get this out.
Re: So tired of thinking about her ajw: I know it hurts like hell right now,but in your head you must realise this is for the best in the long run......the sooner you have no dealings with this woman,the better.This woman has lied and betrayed you for just about your whole relationship,be glad you found out now and you can move on and find a woman who loves you and deserves you
Re: So tired of thinking about her PickingUpThePieces: Hello Harpua, welcome to Ojar.
It's difficult in those early days to think of moving forward without someone who swore to love you forever, and thought would always be there. I can sympathize with the feelings of betrayal you must be feeling. Not only was your wife unfaithful, but was a number of times...it's difficult to fathom.
Take some time now to focus on you and improving your self-worth. Realize you are a good person. Try to keep busy, explore some interests you had always wanted to but never did, which may help you to meet new people. Spend time with your family who will give you support. Rekindle old friendships. Keep coming to Ojar and posting. It takes time to feel better, but it does happen...
Take care,
Pup
