Re: sexual addiction?? ctrlaltdelete: Yes, I lost my ex due to sexual addiction. Had I been smarter, I would have put an end to things before we ever got married. It was so bad. Not only did it hurt us financially - he ran up thousands of dollars on our credit card due to 900 numbers, porn sites, porn magazines, etc. but it also hurt me. I never felt good enough, pretty enough, etc. As a wife, I could never live up to what those women looked like or did in bed, or anything. What's worse, is he would constantly ogle other women, comparing their assets to mine - anybody at all - waitresses, bartenders, women on the street...it was disgusting. I just wasn't enough for him. Eventually I just gave up and turned him off. Thank God, because in the end, who knows what kind of diseases I could have turned up with considering that he graduated from online and phone sex to actual, in person sex.
It took me nearly 3 years post-divorce before I figured out it wasn't me and that I am good enough and pretty enough. While I am in a stable, healthy relationship right now with a man who loves ME and only me, he is still bouncing between pieces of @ss... He would never admit he had (has) a problem, but I know better and feel sorry for any of his future "relationships".
Re: sexual addiction?? ih8BeinAlone: spectrum is completely right. there is nothing wrong with pornography as long as it's not hidden and abused. with my relationship i watched porn... my ex didn't mind (so she says).
i didn't make a habbit of it, but i'd say i watched it more so than the average person. eventually i found out that i was watching it more as i got emotionally disconnected from my ex. i definitely do not thing the porn was the cause of it. i think it was exactly the opposite, the more emotionally disconnected from her i got the more porn i watched.
dave, listen to spectrum she's really telling the truth. just from reading your posts i can totally tell you're just trying to find reasons for the failed relationship. surely this girl wasn't an angel sent from heaven! she has faults! she has weaknesses! i'm SURE she's contributed to this breakup! stop searching for why... start searching for what you can do in the future to not let this happen again. good luck dude. btw, i've been feeling a lot better lately. that whole exercise thing they talk about has really started working for me.
Re: sexual addiction?? toofreshtothinkright: Man, I need to be the person that confronts my faults. I did/do have a problem with it. To an extent, it was hidden.
There was a big issue 3 years ago when we first started dating....
Since none of you now the relationship, I can't agree with you. What I can say i the more I look intot he topic of addiction, the more it describes me to a tee. It DID affect the intimacy of our relationship since I was always making her feel 2nd to it.
I really want to say it isn't a problem. but sadly it is. Now, I don't think ANYTHING is wrong with watching porn as a couple....nothing at alll...get as freaky as you want. BUT, when it affects how you view your partner or it affects how much time you spend on the computer or it affects the intimacy between the two people than it is a problem.
Her reason for leaving was that she couldn;t feel close to me. She felt that I didn;t want her or respect her or make her feel special - she thought she never felt sexy or special in my eyes. She used to come home and see me on the computer and say "how much pron did you download today?"...she felt second to it. She shouldn't have had to feel that way. She was MORE than enough for me. I was soooooooooo happy with her, but that wasn;t enough. She was a marathon runner and in f&*king GREAT shape and she felt that she was fat because of how I used to pick at her because she wasn't EXACTLY perfect physically (but more perfect than anyone I know by far...the girl teaches spin class and runs and lifts weights), but she felt fat becasue I criticized her.
Combine that with feeling 2nd to porn (and you don;t know the history, so it is worse tha it sounds here), I lost her. I will not let myself do it again....I know of a lot of people whose lives were ruined because of this kind of addiction...they may love the person to death and find them attractive, but it doesn't matter...they still look at it.....
I want to agree with you spectrum and Ih8, but this time I can't.
I am talking to someone tomorrow and am going to bring this up and hopefully get a referral.
Re: sexual addiction?? Batman: Do whatever is right for you.
I suggest you don't beat yourself up over it too much.
We all have a sex drive.
Re: sexual addiction?? Spectrum: If you think that you are indeed an addict, then professional help is definitely the way to go. At least that way you'll have an objective professional giving his/her opinion on your situation.
Out of curiosity... Did your ex every say that she had a problem with the porn specifically? You mentioned comments about how much you downloaded.... were you working out of your home at the time? What would have led her to that conclusion?
Did your ex ever mention that she felt that porn was causing problems for you two? Did she say things to you at the time that made you think that perhaps you should indulge in it less? Or that she would prefer you would?
Spectrum.
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