Ethics of Child Support freovir: i have a moral dilemna here.
BACKGROUND
I have full physical custody of my two daughters. the ex has them approximately ten nights a month.
Technically my state does not allow for the reserving (noncollection) of child support, but i live in a depressed area and the judges "look the other way" and i am not collecting anything from the ex, but she does pay for half of certain expenses such as soccer and figure skating.
as part of the decree the ex owes me some money for credit cards that were in my name but used by her. She has not been paying me anything towards these debts. (totals about $300 a month)
MY DILEMNA
Should i go after her for support? this would involve me walking into the courthouse and filing a couple of papers.
MY CONCERNS
1. this will strain our limited relationship. she is already a major pain in the ass to deal with.
2. what if she somehow gets custody at some point? i would have to pay her much more than she would be paying me if she asked for support. but at the same time, just because i don't ask for support does not mean she can't. . .IF she EVER were to get custody.
ANY AND ALL SUGGESTIONS APPRECIATED.
thanks,
--fre
Re: Ethics of Child Support Lumpy: Is it the credit card debt that is motivating you to going after child support? Maybe you could try to force a compromise. "Hey, you agreed in court that you'd pay off this debt. If you're not gonna honor that then I'm gonna have to ask for child support." From what you've said about your ex in the past, I can't imagine her cutting you any breaks financially. If she has it and you and the kids need it, damn the torpedoes fre.
Re: Ethics of Child Support freovir:
she doesn't *have it* on paper since she is a waitress (and certainly something else as someone has given her a Yukon). what would likely happen is that her checks which are probably about $150 a month get garnished by the state and given to me.
we have talked about it. at one time the agreement was for her to pay me $20 a week, then it was to clean my bathroom every week in lieu of the $20, and then ti was to pay me $100 twice a month in the summer (when she makes REALLY good money) and now it is "i'll pay you something in June."
the thing is i don't *need* the money. i survive, but it's not like we (girls and i) have nice stuff or can really even afford to go to a movie unless we sneak in our own soda, so the money would be nice for new clothes and food and such, but i don't *NEED* it.
Re: Ethics of Child Support corkscrew: I think the money is not even the issue. The issue here is that she has two kids that she should be helping to take care of. IF SHE HAD CUSTODY OF THEM, DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MORE SHE WOULD BE PAYING FOR THEM THAN SHE IS NOW OR WOULD BE EVEN IF YOU FILED? She should consider herself lucky that she's getting off so light, but the obligor generally never sees it in that light.
As for your strained relationship. Sometimes it seems easier to just walk away and take the path of least resistance, but sometimes non-custodial parents need to be taught a lesson.
As for custody, courts are very reluctant to initiate changes in custody when the present arrangement is working well for the children. So no fear there, I think she would have quite an uphill battle taking custody of the kids away from you. Also your filing about her lack of payment will be just another strikes against her in a custody battle.
Best of luck in your decision, but if your kids CAN have more at her expense, why shouldn't they? Even if it only pays for the soda at the movie?
Re: Ethics of Child Support freovir: thanks corkscrew.
not trying to be a prick here by arguing or anything, but this issue really has me perplexed.
[quote"> As for your strained relationship. Sometimes it seems easier to just walk away and take the path of least resistance, but sometimes non-custodial parents need to be taught a lesson. [/quote">
that's just it. she will see this as me trying to teach her a lesson, and that is is not what what i am doing. . . . am i? i mean, it's not really my place to teacher her anything, right? i just want my fucking money.
--fre
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