Tired of it all sunflower11: Divorcing is bad enough, but we are forced to stay in our house together until it sells, and that is torture. I love my husband and desperately wanted to make our marriage work. He said, "I don't know what I want." because he's got a "friend" on the side. My world crumbled, and I haven't had time to mourn it because I've had to be proactive in protecting myself and our kids. He'd like nothing more than for me to crawl in a hole somewhere and disappear out of his life, while he continues on with all the property and money. He feels my being a sahm was a disservice I did to myself, and he owes me nothing. He continues to tell me everything is my fault - not giving him a chance to think about what he wanted, "wasting money" on lawyers, wasting my life on staying home with my children. I would love nothing more than for him to have an epiphany and devote himself to our marriage and our kids, but I know that isn't going to happen. It's hard to face the fact that the person you love and vowed to be with until death doesn't respect you!
I'll never claim that I was the perfect wife, but everything is not my fault! I was willing to try, to do whatever it took. HE is the one that quit! I was not wrong to get a lawyer, or to want to move on with my life when he told me to my face, "I do not want to try to make this marriage work."
I'm tired of having to watch my back, never knowing what he's up to, not being able to trust him. I'm tired of him putting our kids in the middle. I'm tired of feeling bad all the time. I'm tired of crying.
Re: Tired of it all PickingUpThePieces: I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad right now sunflower...living together while separated is very difficult, as I'm sure many Ojarians could tell you. I did it for a few weeks and it was hell...hang in there, and focus on taking care of yourself and your children...
Re: Tired of it all Lumpy: He's laying a guilt trip on you cause you got a lawyer and he wanted the divorce? Wotta maroon. I had to go through a similar sitch as far as living with your ex. Do your damndest to get him out of the house. It's freakin' torture. Whatever you do don't leave. I'm sure your lawyer has already told you this.
Re: Tired of it all 2be: Yes, I hear you. We decided in November and I didn't move out until February. And that doesn't include the horrible spiral that began in August. It was not easy and not fun. Good for you for hanging in there, being the better person and taking care of your kids.
Unfortunately, you can't do anything to change your (sorry) JERK husband's attitude. The high road is always the harder road, but you will be able to look back at this situation and be proud of the decisions you made.
Sooner or later, he WILL realize the damage he has done/doing and will have to deal with it. And by then you will be happier, healthier and living your own good live.
Hugs.
Re: Tired of it all BeeAmaz: Things will get better once he moves out. I hope he does it soon and doesn't wait for the house to sell. Mine was going to wait until he left for Iraq but I think the OW convinced him to leave before that. It was so hard on me and the kids - just feeling like we were in limbo.
I wanted things to somehow get fixed for him to want to try and find his head again... but after he moved out I realized it wasn't going to happen and filed first. He pulled/ is pulling the same shit yours is. Blaming me for filing first even though he's the one who wanted it. He's the one who was flying out to his girlfriends house almost every weekend. I had to look out for what was best for my kids and me. You did the right thing by filing.
I too have been a SAHM, still am for now, and a couple of times he's tried pulling the same stuff saying that it was my choice, that i did what I wanted and he's not going to support me. He is so full of BS and so is your ex. My being a SAHM had more to do with what we both wanted for our children and because of him being in the navy. Yes I love being a SAHM and being able to homeschool my boys; however that was a choice we both made together.
You did not waste your life staying home with your children. Being able to do that is honorable and in other countries SAHM are given the recognition they deserve. There was a report this last week that stated that the annual salary for a SAHM mom would be something like $137,000.
So even though my ability to be a SAHM is going away with the divorce, I am looking at going back to school and finding a way to have a career where if my boys still wanted to or needed it, I would be able to homeschool them. However, my ex is going to have to support me. I supported him for the last 10 years with his career, putting everything second to what needed to be done for him. I didn't complain when he was sent away all the time, I didn't complain when he wasn't there to deal with stupid contractors after our house burned down or when I miscarried or later when i was pregnant. I did what I had to do to make sure he didn't have to worry about what was going on at home so that he could focus on his job.
I'll bet that you helped him in many ways as well that he probably took for granted or that you may not even realize. Things will get better. I'm crying less now and the pain is fading and the realization kicking in. Time does heal... it just sucks while it's working.
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