Re: i'm back. croutonic: wish me luck, people. i'm not going to be able to live with myself if i don't fight for this. i'm going to offer a third option and see what happens.
she's obviously extremely confused. told me last night that she doesn't know if she's made the right decision. sent me a text saying "i understand if you don't want to talk to me, but i'm dying to hear your voice." sent me an email this morning saying "you are still my boy, and i love you very much. i won't ever forget it."
IF she hasn't made plans with her ex (if she has, and doesn't want to break them, i'm out), and IF she is serious about wanting to move away from him and try to figure things out, then i say we break up but keep talking. i'm not sure i could take that, and she sure as hell can't.
i just honestly believe that she's making this decision out of pressure and guilt from her ex, and that she'll come to regret it. moving away and starting fresh was an idea that she had months ago anyway, so maybe it will get some traction with her. i don't know.
all i know is that i need to open the door for her a little bit and let her know that i still want her, that she has more options than she realizes. but i will not beg or plead, and there will be no sex until we figure out what we're going to do, how we're going to leave things on sunday.
thoughts, anyone? i feel like i'm dyin' over here.
i pick her up from the airport in 11 hours.
Re: i'm back. 2be: [quote author=croutonic link=topic=29025.msg283385#msg283385 date=1148060371">
all i know is that i need to open the door for her a little bit and let her know that i still want her, that she has more options than she realizes. but i will not beg or plead, and there will be no sex until we figure out what we're going to do, how we're going to leave things on sunday.
[/quote">
I think this is a good road to take. Whether or not you think it's a mistake, you need to let her do this or she will always wonder. Better she figure it out now and KNOW, one way or the other. Sucks for you though. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. Good luck.
Re: i'm back. croutonic: panic attacks. yay.
i think i'm dreading this more than anything that happened with my ex-wife.
Re: i'm back. croutonic: so here's something i wrote on my blog about how i'm feeling at the moment:
I'm sitting here at my dining room table, the ruins of a pancake breakfast surrounding me, birdsong drifting in through the open back door. It's sunny, and there's a breeze. I feel it on my cheek as I write this.
I am sad. Many of the little things that brought me joy in the course of my day are gone. There's no silly email note, there's no irreverent or naughty chat. There's no cheery hello or soft goodbye. The daily confirmation that I love, and am loved in return. These things are gone, and it's difficult because I noticed and appreciated them when I had them. I was not always that way.
I am no longer angry. I know why she left. She felt that she owed it to herself and to her ex to give it one more shot. She felt that she didn't try hard enough, that she gave up too easily, that he didn't know what he had until he'd lost it. I can only hope that he appreciates it as much as I did, and that she's happy if she chooses that road. She has the strength to do what's right. She only needs to figure out what right is.
I do not know what the future holds. I only know that I have to continue, I have to keep being the best me that I know how to be. I'll not be a pale shadow of myself. I'll not sweep this under the rug and pretend it didn't happen, or hurt myself with thoughts of what could have been. I will not do that to myself again.
I need to think about what this experience has taught me, how I've changed as a result of it. It's only been four days since last I saw her. It's not that long. But it feels like a lifetime, because I'm afraid that I'll never see her again, and I'm not sure I can deal with that. So I have to be gentle with myself. I need to slow down, choose my words with care, order my thoughts. I need to think.
I'm a better person for having met her, having known her. She made me want to be a better person, just by being herself. That is no small feat, especially for someone as reserved as I used to be. She taught me that meeting new people and letting them in to your life is not a scary thing. People have stories to tell, and I love stories.
I don't know what the future will bring. I just need to be ready to meet it when it arrives.
Re: i'm back. Chey: Sorry sweetheart no "tough love" here...only a "wow". My opinion based on reading this, is you are an incredibly romantic, giving human being. You gave your heart to this relationship, and sadly it didn't work.
What's NOT sad is the idea that you have taken the very best of your time with her...the bittersweet memories of what a GOOD relationship should be. I hope you keep that with you, and when you're ready to give your heart to the next lucky lady, then she is going to be one happy girl :)
Now...go...you know...kick butt or something tough ;)
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