New here.....My story cupcakechump: [color=purple"> [/color">
Well I have been seperated since Nov 28,2005 and have been looking for a site that relates to my situation, seem to have found it here, :) so ....heres my story and some random thoughts...
I met A when I was 13 years old. I was what was considered a nerd in school. I was a very shy girl, and since my parents were not really wealthy I wore a lot of handy me downs. Well A was a football player and I developed a "HUGE" secret crush on him.
Soon through a friend of a friend I began to talk to A, and before long he was a regular visitor to my home. The way we got together is a very long drawn out story so I won't go into that here, but by the time I was 15 I had lost my virginity to him. My parents constantly told me that I was too young to be so caught up in a single guy. And of course like most teens I just knew they had no clue what they were talking about, so against their wishes I continued to see him in secret.
One thing led to another and eventually my parents found out I was still deeply involved with A, so they began to take the steps they thought were needed, I was put in Juvie for Fornication as a minor ( I never knew this was a law) and after being released from Juvie was put on probation. The terms of my probation were that I was to do what my parents told me and to stay away from A.
But as you prob figured I didn't obey my probation and snuck around still seeing him. Once again I was caught and when my parents told me they were sending me back to juvie for my own good. I did what I thought was the best for me, I ran away with A.
My parents contacted the police and through some crack in the system was told there was nothing that could be done. I was 15 at the time. After a couple of months I found out I was pregnant, I was devestated. I was a child. BUt A calmed down my fears and we ended up getting married.
I wish I could say that our marriage was a fairy tale but I can't. Looking back now I realize that there were red flags flying from the very beggining but I didn't want to see them so I didn't. A fine example of one of the many red flags is on our wedding day (at the courthouse) I forgot his grandmothers ring ( which she had loaned us only for the wedding ) and we had to turn around to go get it. He was furious and called me a stupid b****.
It seems like the verbal abuse quickly escalated to physical abuse, though I sported many bruises, I always said to myself its not like he's using his fists ( it was always slaps, bites,shoving,or even occasionly choking) Every time I would start to think about leaving it seemed I would pop up pregnant. At age 26 now I have four children ages 10, 7, 5, and almost 3.
Through the ten years we were married I had a lot of thoughts of leaving and we were more on again off again then anything. But I was raised in a christian home where I was taught that marriage should be forever. Even though my parents begged me to come home I didn't.So now that I have left I am much happier but I am also very lonely. I tried to go back for the children so many times and that is not a thing I would advise anyone to do, my kids are so much happier now then they were when I was with their daddy. He gets them every other weekend and the hardest part is picking them up when his weekend is over. He has always had a problem with drugs and alcohol but now I rarely see him sober. So theres a bit of my story, It might not make much sense to anyone reading as I skimmed over a lot but .....I hope maybe someone will read it and think man I've been right there, and possibly make them feel less alone..... :)
To everyone on this site hello, and I have been helped a lot by the posts here
Re: New here.....My story Maximus: I'm so sorry to hear of all the pain you have endured throughout your marriage. You should have left him the first time he hurt you. You dont have to put up with an abusive partner. So sorry to hear that you had to endure it for so long. I came across this site a few days ago, and everyone seems very kind and supportive. Its a good place to relate with others about similar situations. There's nothing but love for one another here.
**Hugs** :)
Re: New here.....My story cupcakechump: Thanks for the reply, I know now that I should've left the first time, But like so many women who have and do, I played down how bad it was. When I was telling my lawyer some of our background the look of shock on his face really made me realize how bad it truly was. Then there was always the two thoughts running through my head, 1. How was I going to support myself and four children on my own. and 2.Who would want me and all of my children. I have since learned 1. I can make it on my own with the children. It's not easy but it can be done. and 2. There are plenty of men out there who will love me regardless of the fact I have children when I am ready to start over again
Re: New here.....My story LNC: [quote author=cupcakechump link=topic=29026.msg281949#msg281949 date=1147809104">
1. I can make it on my own with the children. It's not easy but it can be done. and 2. There are plenty of men out there who will love me regardless of the fact I have children when I am ready to start over again
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Wow Cupcake.
Sorry you are going thru this, especially the abuse, no one deserve that. But it seems that you have a positive attitude. Just believe in yourself, you can make it on you own with your children and there is somebody out there that will love you and your children.
God Bless and stay strong.
LNC
Re: New here.....My story Ciera: Welcome to Ojar. ((HUGS)) I hope you never let a man put you in that situation again. Have you gotten therapy? Sometimes we inadvertently pick the same kind of partner again and fall into the same patterns. Kudos for you for being strong and leaving. Your children have a wonderful mother. It takes a lot of guts to get yourself out of a situation like that.
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