My long struggle is come to an end... Irony: Those of you who know me, know that it's been 7 months since my wife moved out wanting 'space' and then two weeks later told me she wanted a divorce.
Of course I was devastated and went through all the commotion most of you have gone through in the process of dealing with your grief and soemtimes barely being able to just put one foot in front of the other.
Those of you who know me know I've fought a long uphill battle to save my marriage. I wrote on this forum that I was going to go down swinging... that if our marriage was to end, I wanted to be able to look back and say I did my very best to try to salvage it and hopefully make it better than ever.
Obviously my wife has other ideas.
That said...
...Today I'm throwing in the towel. I'm done.
I've fought the good fight and I can't fight it any more.. it's been like trying to push string uphill and it's cost me dearly in stress and in physical and emotional problems.
As much as I love her, I know there is nothing that will bring her back... just like I finally came to grips with and accepted the fact that my first wife who was killed in a car crash 6 years ago, was never going to come back.
Oddly, this current situation has been more difficult for me.. first wife died.
Second wife left home and renounced our wedding promises. She is as if dead, yet still alive.
I know that, although I'm bruised and battered and scarred from the struggle, I'm also a better man. I've read every possible book on relationships, on how to win your spouse back, did Divorce Busters and even had a coach. And yes, spent a lot of time here at oJar.
She has no clue what she's missing!
Well the fat lady has sung... the party is over, and i can now move on with my life.
Interestingly, my stbxw has been a blessing in disguise to me.. her leaving has forced me to grow in ways I never thought possible and for that I thank her.. just wish I didn't have to lose her in the process.
There is a miracle here: I lost her, but I found ME!
And you know what? I like me.
(I may be down but i'm not out!)
Four and a half years older and hopefully wiser, I bare my soul to all of you who have come togain the support of the wonderful people who make up the oJar community.
Do I still miss her?
You bet I do.
Do I still love her?
Probably more than ever.
Have I forgiven her?
Absolutely. By forgiving her, I've set myself free.
For those of you who have come here hoping to find help in finding your way back into your marriages, I applaud you! For those of you who have come here to get support in what may probably be the bleakest darkest days of your lives, I love you all!
(OK OK I'm getting mushy)
I want to thank all of you who have put up with my 7 months of whining and complaining and just letting it all out.
And thank you Michael for this wonderful site. i don't think I could have made it this far this soon if it weren't for the magic of oJar.
God bless you all.
iron man
"Parts of life are excellent!"
Re: My long struggle is come to an end... Older Guy: Attaboy Ironman....you can do it. I went through very much the same thing. Once i gave and stopped trying my wife came back to me. Only problem for her was that i had moved on at that point and told her that she had to move on to. I still can;t beleive that i refused what i had hoped for and for many months. But i did and feel great. Hoepfully i can help others thorugh my experience.
Good luck,
OG
Re: My long struggle is come to an end... hurtnconfused: (((Hugs)))
Re: My long struggle is come to an end... Ciera: Your posts always make me want to cry. :'( ((((HUGS)))) we love you too. :)
Re: My long struggle is come to an end... 2be: Closure, no matter the outcome always brings relief. Congratulations on finding YOU. The words you wrote about that came straight from my heart, too. Exactly. I found ME as I lost the woman I loved with all my heart. I set free, but with a sadness that the woman I loved was so destructive to who I am.
Here's to a brighter future....
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