The way I feel cupcakechump: Sitting here at the computer I look back at the time we were together and think what a waste. You went from a sweet loving boy to a man who suffered from inner demons, the same demons you threw up in my face each time you hurt me. You constantly used your childhood as the reason why you hit me, ran around on me, and used me. Maybe thats part of the reason I got out. I didn't want our son now 10 to grow into a man with the idea that beating women or verbally abusing them was ok. I didn't want our three daughters to think their bf or hubbys had the right to beat them, or scream at them, or control them.All because they saw daddy do these things to mommy. I loved you with all my heart, so whenever my parents and friends would tell me I needed to get out of our marraige,that one of these days you would either turn on our kids or kill me, I would always say it really isn't that bad. He loves me and its not AlWAYS like this. I was weak, I should've left years ago but I stayed because I loved you. I know I wasn't an angel I did plenty of wrong too. But we should've just went our seperat ways. I must admit though even though I'm no longer in love with you and your touch doesn't bring me pleasure, and your words and actions don't bring me laughter, I do still care. I care about the fact that you are living your fathers life all over, that you turn to alcohol to soothe your inner demons and too drown out the pain. I wish you would get serious help. You have even admitted that you have a problem , now you need to get help. It's not that I want you back, I don't but with four children together we will always be a part of each others life so what you do does affect me in the long run. It affects me when the children come home and tell me that they had fun at your house but you want to come home. It breaks my heart because even though my heart isn't in the relationship, theres still is. You won't ever read this because I know you wouldn't understand and it wouldn't help.But it helps me to put my feelings as jumbled as they are down so....
