Here goes nothing...... feelin lost: I am writing this in the hope that I will feel better and consquently the insight of others might not hurt.
My stbx and I have had our issues before but I was under the impression that things were getting better. We have been together for 7 yrs, married for 5 1/2, no kids (although we had tried on and off). We were in the process of contemplating a house in the country since he wanted to get out of town. I came home early from work one day and had a conversation which was one sided and ended with me saying "I wish you'd talk to me" instead of staring off or picking at your fingernails. I had had a very long day (week) and decided to go lay down. When I woke up there was a note on the kitchen counter, letting me know that he had left and that he wasn't happy and couldn't stand to be that way any more. I actually had to call him to see if it was a bad joke, it wasn't. That was about a month ago, initially I thought there might be a hope, now knowing him I know that there isn't. I move through the days trying to figure out how I will afford the debt and the house I want to keep, feeling scared to be alone but at the same time knowing that I am strong enough to make it, but wondering if I'll ever be able to have the family that I wanted.
I know that this is probably for the best, for a long time I have felt emotionally lonely, he didn't like to share a bed (weird I know but valid reasons at first different work shifts/schedules etc., it felt as if he could ignore me for weeks and then suddenly do the sweetest things (so confusing). I strongly believe that he wasn't cheating but there is always a little doubt especially since he has only been to the house a few times since he left.
Since the seperation we discussed the divorce once and agreed not to rush it and for now he is helping w/ the bills but I have a potential roommate who wants to know this is over before she moves in.
I guess this is where I need the advice: we haven't filed yet and I find myself wanting to file just to be able to be secure in the fact I can afford my house with a roommate. I also I find myself looking for the companionship I was missing in places I probably shouldn't be looking, knowing this solves nothing and only adds more regrets seeing as the papers haven't even been filed.
That's all I've got for now. Thanks for reading ....
Re: Here goes nothing...... corkscrew: If you truly know its over, file. It will help you move on that much quicker. You're dragging it out and that's not good for anyone. (Rip the bandaid off quick!)
