Re: The Past Does Not Define Us startingover: The last time I had spoken to him, I was 6 months pregnant with J. Strung out on drugs he told me he would kill R and B and take my unborn child, making sure I lived so I would have to suffer for the rest of my life. All this because I told him he was an addict who needed to check himself into a rehab clinic. I filed a report, but the police never did anything about it. I didn't tell my husband because I knew what he would do.
I needed him more than ever, and didn't want to raise my children alone while their father spent the rest of his life behind bars never knowing who he was.
9/11 occured while I was pregnant with J. We had started to recover from loosing the house and had started to house hunt again when the contracts fell through and he lost his job. We decided it was time for a change and moved out of state. Oregon was our destination.
Re: The Past Does Not Define Us startingover: Things were good for a while even though we had to file for bankruptsy. We were poor, but we were a family and finally away from the danger. For the first time in my life I was able to relax and breath easy. No longer was I looking over my shoulder waiting for my brother to appear out of the woodwork when J got sick.
He contracted a rare form of food poisoning that almost killed him at 9 months old. He was never the same. B had started having severe seizures as well. He spent one day in the ER having all sorts of tests, unconscious the whole time. Although life had thrown us more curveballs, we were making it.
I decided to go back to school and finish my degree while my husband stayed home with the kids. He was working as a handyman and we had a place to stay with free rent. Life finally seemed to be going forward for us. J was getting services through the school and B was starting kindergarten. It seemed like the right time.
I think the stress from it all got to be too much for my husband, because he started drinking again after several years of being sober. This time very very heavily. Things just went from bad to worse in a matter of a few short months. The man I so loved was gone again. We had moved into a new place when I started working to get away from the trash in the trailor park where he was doing maintenance.
My health had taken a turn for the worse during this time. I developed kidney stones after a cyst on my ovary had ruptured. I was all over the place. I was pregnant with my 5th child. I would have never have guessed because I had had my tubes tied when J was born. I didn't even know until he was still born.
One day I came home from work and just had enough. I threw him out, I couldn't take it anymore. I was tired of walking on eggshells in my own home. I didn't know how, or if I was going to make it on my own, I only knew I couldn't take anymore of his bad behavior.
Two years later I'm still on my own, and still hope he can come back to me. He's a good father, and for the most part is good to me. I just wish he could see how much he means to us all, how much he is hurting himself, and how much we need that good man back in our lives. We have been through so much together, and he has been my rock through some pretty hard times.
Re: The Past Does Not Define Us Mist: First I have to give you a huge hug.
Second I have to tell you that I admire you. You give me strength. This story is heart wrenching. Yet you seem so strong.
I am sure that you have your days. I want to extend to you all my support if you ever need a shoulder just give me a holler.
Re: The Past Does Not Define Us sosad05: Wow....I dont even know what to say. You have been through so much. You definitely have an amazing strength to have made it through everything...the abuse, the drugs, the deaths....etc.
I read your story and some parts of it makes me so angry at your parents. I wonder if your brother was abused by someone and thats what caused him to do it to you. Its so sad. It sounds like he needs serious serious help.
Thankyou for sharing you story. I hope it helped you by getting it out. Its an inspiration to hear you still have hope and keep plugging away, after going through so much.
<<<HUGS>>>
Re: The Past Does Not Define Us sheydp: Wow. You ARE amazing... Even as you read through that yourself, can you FEEL the strength you have? You have not only survived all of that - you have survived it with your soul and heart and loving nature intact. That is amazing and a miracle. You keep that and re-read it for yourself when you get down - you have made it this far - life WILL go up from here!
Shey
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