Re: The Past Does Not Define Us startingover: Things were never the same between us from then on. I became distant, and he started to drink heavily. There were times he was very mean. I know now, it was the pain of loosing our little girl. That changes a person in profound ways.
He got a job in Phoenix delivering doors and windows for a company and things seemed to be back on track somewhat, we seemed to be moving on from the loss and were putting our lives back in order when I found out I was pregnant again. R was 18 months old by this point, and a beautiful little girl, the light of our lives. It seemed like things were finally going our way.
5 months into the pregnancy I started preterm labor and was ordered on bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy. He really stepped up to the plate for us. He took care of all our needs while still holding down more than a full time job. If he ever complained, I never heard a word of it.
I had our son almost 5 weeks early, and my mother insisted on staying with us after he was born for a couple of weeks. That was a big mistake, I didn't want her there, but finally gave in. Things have never been the same between us since then. I only recently found out that my mother had been making advances at him and had informed him that neither child was his. I supposedly had been having an ongoing affair with my ex boyfriend, and both kids were his.
At the time I had not idea what had happened, but he started drinking heavily and became emotionally abusive. We started going to counseling, but the problems only got worse. He still hadn't told me what my mother had said. The final straw was when he hit me. I left with no intentions of ever coming back.
Re: The Past Does Not Define Us startingover: Six months into the separation, after he had been served with divorce papers, he had a nervous breakdown and checked himself into a rehab clinic for his drinking. By this time I had started college and the kids were getting big. R was the sweetest 3 year old, and B was talking up a storm, such a beautiful little boy. Things were hard, but finally seemed to be on track.
He stayed on as an outpatient for about 18 months, and I agreed to put the divorce on hold until he got better. He was really working hard on it, and I felt I owed it to him. Slowly he became the man I had fallen in love with again, so wonderful and loving. We managed to put things back in order and start over again.
When I decided to take him back, my parents threw me out of the apartment I had been renting from them. I had a choice to make, my family or him. They never seemed to realize that he was my family.
R was ready to start preschool at this point and I needed a certified copy of her birth certificate. I decided to send off for mine and B's as well. Mine was months coming in. When it finally showed up I noticed discrepencies in the copy I had and the new one. I asked my mother if she knew what it was about, she absolutely flipped out that I would have gotten a copy without her knowledge and wouldn't answer any of my questions.
Gram made her last trip to visit the kids and I during this time. I asked her what she knew, all she would tell me is that it wasn't her place to say. I knew she wanted to tell me, but didn't want to betray anyone. She did tell me to think back to the time dad owned the bar. The answers lie there. That was the last heart to heart we ever had. Colon cancer took her 4 months later.
Re: The Past Does Not Define Us startingover: I did some digging, but all I was able to find was that my father had been having an affair with some biker woman who hung out in the bar, I could never find her name.
B started having problems at this point and I gave up the search, my son needed my full attention. He had stopped talking and was no longer toilet trained. I brought my concerns of autism to our doctor, he told me there was nothing wrong and all my son needed was a good spanking every now and then. Before I left the office I had our records transferred to a new doctor.
I continued to push for help for my son, something wasn't right and I knew it. Through the help of the local head start I was able to get testing for B after months of fighting. I remember the day the diagnosis came back. We were called to come into the local early intervention preschool. Sitting in the little chairs surrounding a table made for three year olds we were told our beautiful boy had autism. I remember my hands going numb and the room started spinning. I thought I was going to pass out.
The next couple of weeks are a blur of all sorts of emotions. I continued to feel faint and almost passing out several times. I didn't even think I might be pregnant until my boss mentioned it. I had already put in my two weeks notice at work to spend the summer getting B the services he needed.
Re: The Past Does Not Define Us startingover: We knew the doctors had been wrong, and were using birthcontrol, I had an appointment scheduled with the dr to discuss permanent options. Two forms of bc weren't enough to stop me from getting pregnant again.
I was in shock, a newly diagnosed child with autism and another on the way. We were in the process of buying a house from my parents when they betrayed me in the worst way. The kids were staying with them while we moved into the new place. We wanted the kids to start the new school year in the proper school district. The only thing we asked was that my brother have no contact with the kids.
R called me the second morning and whispered into the phone that he had shown up the night before and was asleep on the couch now. I told her to go to school like nothing was wrong and we would be there to pick her up when she got out. When confronted, my parents out and out lied to him being there. We didn't speak to them for over a year and backed out on the house.
Both kids had nightmares for weeks. B would wake up in the middle of the night screaming uncle. I had put R in counseling to help her deal and try to find out what happened. No charges could be filed until we knew the truth. She would never say, but said she found B hiding behind a chair in the middle of the night crying. By the time her baby brother was born, it was behind her. She wanted me to call my parents so they could get together for play date, but I wouldn't allow it.
After J was born I started getting hang up calls during the day while I was alone. I recognized the name on the caller id, but couldn't place it. Two weeks after they started I found out it was one of my brother's old friends that he was staying with. Somehow he had found out I had the baby and our home number even though it was unlisted.
Re: The Past Does Not Define Us newts: Oh Starting that is a terrible childhood and the worst thing about your childhood is that you had no control over it, the best thing about being an adult is you have full control over you and what you will accept and what you will not! That type of behaviour is unacceptable and you have a chance now in your adult years to right the wrongs of the past if (or, if) you do have a family of your own.
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