*please.help* When is the best time for me to return home? Maximus: I am still here in this shit hole called Baghdad. I go home on vacation soon though. I'll be home in 9 days to sign the divorce papers and to see my som when I am allowed to. My daughter will be going to Camp for the month that i'm home, so, I will unfortunately not get to see her this time. I had originally planed on coming home for the STBX's birthday, but since she doesn't want me anymore, I am stilL coming home as planned, only, I will be there to sign the damn papers and to prepare a new home for my kids.
Here's my question:
I came to Iraq in May 2004. Ive been home every 4 to 5 months for around 2 weeks at a time since then. I was home for the birth of my son, and for my daughters birthday, and for New Years. My STBX walked out on me on New Years eve and took the kids with her, and didnt show back up until the enxt day. We have had our ups and downs, and every time I returned home, it seemed as though our arguments would get worse, and it was over stupid shit too. Maybe we just grew apart. It felt as though we had to get to know each other all over again every time I returned home. I took the job as I needed the medical insurance for when my STBX was pregnant with my son. I now regret having taken this job, as it tore our marriage limb from limb. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and in my sitaution it did, however, whenever i returned home, we felt wierd around one another and ran out of things to talk about.........was just wierd.
I stayed working overseas so I could provide a good future for the family. I always hoped that the STBX would one day start saving money instead of blowing it away. Never happened. We are divorcing. My wife initiated it as she can't get along with me anymore, and I reluctantly agreed as I worked overseas for 2 years, and made $200K, hoping that she would save at least half of it for the kids college or for a new home, and she doesn't. Instead she spent it all on pity shopping sprees. She said that she would shop for feeling bad or for missing me, or for not wanting to be married anymore.
I forgive her for all her short comings though, as it takes two to tango, and we are only human. We are both in an equal amount of fault which is now leading to our divorce.
I now need to be home for the kids. They are the most important people in my life.
Ive been here for 2 years, and will be home in 1 week. I will be home for a month, but will return to working overseas for a few more months to pay off what I can on the new house, and save as much as I can in order to ease my transition and period of unemloyment.
Everyone I have spoken to has told me to go home to be with the children, and I agree. The STBX doesn't want me to quit though as she will lose her $2K child support. Her opinion about my job doesnt matter any more. I want to go home to be with my children. The STBX crushed us financially. It would have been a little easier to shoulder the blow if she had saved just a little of all the money I made. Now, we will both have to start over with next to nothing.
Im in the process of job hunting right now, which is a reason why I posted my resume on another blog, as well as all the mosnters and hotjobs etc Some tell me to pack up and go home NOW, others tell me to save as much as possible within the next few months, and either quit working overseas in late July, just before my daughters birthday, or in late September, before my sons birthday, or in December, before Christmas.
HELP!!!! ALTHOUGH I AM NOW BROKE, WHEN DO YUO THINK IS THE BEST TIME FOR ME TO RETURN HOME?
1. YESTERDAY -
2. NOW - SO I DONT HAVE TO PAY A RIDICULOUS AMOUNT OF CHILD SUPPORT BASED ON MY CURRENT HIGH SALARY AS AN OVERSEAS CONTRACTOR - THIS WON'T LOOK GOOD TO THE LAWYERS.
3. RIGHT AFTER THE DIVORCE IS FINALIZED - I WOUD HAVE TO PETITION THE COURT TO LOWER THE CHILD SUPPORT PAYMENTS.
4. BEFORE DAUGHTERS BIRTHDAY - WOULD BE A NICE SUPRISE
5. BEFORE SON'S BIRTHDAY - WOULD BE A NICE SUPRISE
6. BEFORE NEW YEARS - I MISSED LAST NEW YEARS AS MY STBX WALKED OUT ON ME.
It's just that I would hate to return hope without having some financial backing to get me through a stint of unemployment.
It's also extremely difficult to go from making $100k a year back to $30k a year, but know that I need to do it for the kids, and would do anything for them.
WHEN IS THE MOST LOGICAL CHOICE FOR ME TO RETURN HOME?
Thanks for all of your support.
Re: *please.help* When is the best time for me to return home? LNC: [quote author=Maximus link=topic=29100.msg283014#msg283014 date=1147975234">
1. YESTERDAY -
2. NOW - SO I DONT HAVE TO PAY A RIDICULOUS AMOUNT OF CHILD SUPPORT BASED ON MY CURRENT HIGH SALARY AS AN OVERSEAS CONTRACTOR - THIS WON'T LOOK GOOD TO THE LAWYERS.
3. RIGHT AFTER THE DIVORCE IS FINALIZED - I WOUD HAVE TO PETITION THE COURT TO LOWER THE CHILD SUPPORT PAYMENTS.
4. BEFORE DAUGHTERS BIRTHDAY - WOULD BE A NICE SUPRISE
5. BEFORE SON'S BIRTHDAY - WOULD BE A NICE SUPRISE
6. BEFORE NEW YEARS - I MISSED LAST NEW YEARS AS MY STBX WALKED OUT ON ME.
[/quote">
Hey bro:
I understand your confusion, which is more complicated being that you are in Iraq.
In my opinion, I would wait until I had enough to financially be able to support myself and the kids. I agree that the kids are important and understand you wanting to be there...but you have to ask yourself if you can hold off a couple of months in order to go home with some spending money for housing, utilities, food, clotheing, etc. So i would say somewhere between 2 and 3. Additionally, while you are on leave if you manage to find a job, then i think the "1" would apply.
Hang in there and God Bless.
LNC
Re: *please.help* When is the best time for me to return home? Annie: Post your story on www.dadsdivorce.com forum.
They give very nice financial advices there.
Make sure you have a buffer of at least 2 months when you get home. What you DON"T want to do is to have to file for bancruptsy cuz you can't find a job and pay the bills. Also, have your wife's shopping sprees documented (that's just f'n crazy, in my opinion). Make sure you have supporting papers that you made that much and she blew it all up. Do you want child custody? Why do you have to suffer, working your butt off overseas, without the benefit of being close to your children, only to have her walk away from you? And now she expects 2k child supports??? Are you considering a full child custody? Or, maybe 50/50?-you don't have to pay child support then. Can buy whatever is needed for the kids but don't have to pay for your wife's comfortable living.
Talk to a lawer.
Re: *please.help* When is the best time for me to return home? bluskygrl: Max,
I am sorry I know this must be very difficult for you.
As someone who is still reeling from the financial impacts of divorce I would recomemend that you stay a little longer.
How old are the children?
If your kids are safe and well taken care of I would say try to make it home for Christmas. If they are somewhat adjusted to you being away and staying longer would make it easier for you to get settled and be there for your kids when you do come home - then stay. Worrying about moneya nd working all the time when you come home will be harder on them.
As for your wife - let me say cut the money line!!!!! To justify excessive spending that threatens your on a spouses absence or lack of attraction is like justifying cheating by blaming lack of sex with your spouse - LAME!!
If you have not already is time to separate finances with a fair allotment to her to to support the children until you get home. She has made her decision clear!
Best of luck.
Blu
