down and illogical Catlady: Been away from this board for a while getting a reality check on why my ex was so bad for me (for anyone!) been reading a lot about emotionally abusive men and people with personality disorders (he certainly had one) but still feel depressed about the relationship. not that its over as such because he was totally toxic - lying, unfaithful, controlling and manipulative to the extreme, but now cos I am lonely and down and there are couples everywhere I look, especially in the supermarkets, women with babies etc etc. Just spent the afternoon with my mother and she said why dont you cheer up - the relationship was 11 years long! - right now that took up 1/3 of my life, I had no idea the guy was a psycho cos I was in way to deep and his mind games were too strong for me to see straight. but its the destruction of a dream, always hoping things would change, that he had the possibility to get better, that he would learn to be the good guy all the time instead of just when he was trying to manipulate me into giving him what he wanted.
Feel like moving to the other side of the world to get over this. wonder if I will ever meet a nice guy, its only been 6 weeks since it was officially over, tho its over 2 months since it was over in reality - when he got us evicted from our flat as he lied about paying the rent. Feel miserable and down about all this and still have thoughts that I would rather not have about the ex with someone new, which I know has now happened.
I'd love a way out of these feelings.
Re: down and illogical fkunone: Catlady - wouldn't we all? It sucks to have been with someone so toxic and manipulative and you never knew until it was over. It's like puking food you thought you never ate.
Been there. Wrecked that. So now there's the remains to take care of and it sucks burying something you thought was beautiful, but found out it was as ugly as it lays before you.
So turn right.
Turn right until you find yourself inside yourself and work from there. It's gonna take some practice, but you'll get it. A relationship isn't the be all end of all of having self worth or even self identity. The word 'self' is evident in both and should be the most in both.
I can't say take my advice, but I can say it's worked for me.
I can take or leave a relationship right now, because I have that choice. I can take or leave meeting people because I have that choice. Realizing I had that choice has made things open up for me as being who I want to be.
And that comes first for now.
My ex found and denied someone new. Whatever. Took or left that too.
Welcome to your self. You'll find it's a wonderful thing, despite what he did.
