Optimism gone AWOL, this aint getting any easier... ginj111: Feck me (as Fr Ted would say) I'm tryin mi best but 3 and a half months in and I aint finding this much easier. I do my very mi best to convince myself that I'm best off without somone who, despite 9 and half years (2 and a half married) together, says she 'needs to find herself' and cant see a future for us together(which is another(long) story in itself), its not long ago we were talking kids, making bigger plans for our home etc. She's been gone 3 and a half months, but as these longer days kick in I cant escape the thoughts of what we'd be doing, what we'd be planning, and as hard as I try ,I cant help but miss her. I'm hearing what I'm told, move on, there'll be someone else, let it(her) go, if she's done this to you she's not worth it,. and I've no doubt they're right. But that 'off' switch doesnt work. Am as heatbroken now as I was then and in many ways its worse as I thought/hoped I'd be getting over it by now. No one has the answer I know, but will this ever f'kin end?...........
Re: Optimism gone AWOL, this aint getting any easier... toofreshtothinkright: my god, I think I wrote that the other day!
I am just over 2 months, and lke you said, it gets worse. My friend dragged me to the beach yesterday and I cried like a baby as the cherised memories flooded back of us just loving life at the beach.
I don't have any answers for you..I wish I did. I feel the EXACT same way. The summer is hard...too many camping, hiking memories.
Mine moved out and within a week was with her massage therapist.....
If you can say that you did your best, than hopefully you'll find it easier..I can;t, so I have a ton of guilt and regret, but if you don't that will let you move on alot easier, I hope.
Try and keep your chin up
Re: Optimism gone AWOL, this aint getting any easier... kev: Buddy, I am almost 10 months into all of this crap, been divorced almost 2.5 months. You are at a normal stage right now. it is not something you can just turn off, you have things that come up (and I still do) that set you back, no matter how much you are making steps to move on. it is rough, i am not going to lie to you.
You can't help but have those thoughts of what you would be doing together, and thinking about plans that you two have made...
BUT...she is in a different frame of mind than you are. and she has already dealt with the shitt that you are now...you just didnt realize it. it makes it easier for her to throw it at you, and while it seems like she is not having any problems with it...she got to deal with the decision of "what am i doing", on her own....then threw you to the lions and let you have to deal with the questions of "what did i do" and "WHY???"
I cant tell you that it will "end," cause I am not there yet. But i will tell you that you will reach a point where it just doesn't really matter anymore, it is a part of your past. One that you wish didn't happen, but it did, and now you have to deal with the fallout.
Be strong man. it does get better, i promise you.
Let the blame lie where it does my friend...
Re: Optimism gone AWOL, this aint getting any easier... legionuvdoom: Look it's been almost two years from me, and i'm still screwed up, all i can say is you gotta look out for yourself, you can't count on her caring about you. I've been in two relationships since then, and they didn't work out. The second one, i just ended today, and it seems like i'm never good enough for these women, but you know what i ain't gonna kill myself, f8ck em, i'll find something else that can make me happy.
Re: Optimism gone AWOL, this aint getting any easier... ginj111: Cheers all, the agony of it all is no less than it was the other day, but just knowing I'm not alone is some comfort and having others empathise really does help. Having said that today's been another Big'un, I sat in meetings not hearing a word that went on, I had to walk out of my office twice just to change my train of thought, and found myself this morning, just looking at other blokes (not like that!!) but more in terms of thinking that any one of them or someone else like them in the whole town/city/county(ie ANYONE but me) might meet my wife and have the joys of hearing her laugh, making her smile, sharing those special moments etc (etc!) and it just rips me up trying to work out what I've done wrong to get to this, everyone has things they would have changed given the chance, but she's said herself I was great (now I wonder was she just taking the p*ss). I'm fighting a losing battle with the part of my mind that relentlessly reminds me of her, of us, of what we(she) said we were gonna do. I cant get her out of my mind and though I'm trying to think of her bad points to try and justify a means to look forward and recognise that it wasnt all me, I always come back to just thinking maybe if, what if, if only.... and before I know it I'm half convinced that if/when I see her next that I'll have some or all the answers and it could be ok, but of course that's never gonna happen. Every single good memory is just a lie, every second spent with her is nothing but a waste yet I don't feel I could ever feel so good/happy with anyone else as I was with her, which makes any thoughts of my future(!) rather disheartening. I love being in love (despite this shi*e) and love being loved, I know its soft, but dont really understand the concept of a world where life (good and bad) isnt shared with yer mate, yer lover, yer buddy, but then again dont understand the concept of how, if you were never dishonest, unfaithful and had a good life with someone you can still end up feeling this bad.......roll on another day of daydreaming in meetings.....
