dating sites and "the lack of chemistry thing" NO DATE: soo
It seems like I have actually been doing ok on these dating sites as of late, a girl for every night of the week if I wanted {no really} but so far I have been running into this..
LACK OF CHEMISTRY
This is something that seems to happen to a lot of people especially those who use dating sites and I'm not sure why it seems to happen more than when you meet someone in actual "real life" I have been pondering this question and I have come to the realisation that this happens because the MODE of meeting is a bit artificial you have a profile and a picture and then you chat on IM and then the phone so why can't we figure out this chemistry thing out with all of that conversation? when you meet someone in a store or wherever as opposed to a dating site I think a couple of thing are very different..
#1 the attraction is usually mutual if he/she accepts to begin with
#2 more romantic which lends itself to a feeling of there being more of a connection as opposed to meeting on a site which feels more like a business meeting {not too romantic}
#3 haven't gotten here yet..so any ideas??
Re: dating sites and "the lack of chemistry thing" alonewith2: Perfectly good questions. When I was doing the online dating thing last summer, I ran into the same problems. If there was chemistry online or on the phone, it seemed to disappear when it came to the face to face meetings.
Re: dating sites and "the lack of chemistry thing" WhiskeyGirl: I think a lot of times people spend so much time on IM and the phone that they create this fantasy person…..then when you meet in real life suddenly they aren’t so perfect….meanwhile you’ve talked about everything under the sun and as far as “knowing” each other you are at the level of a one month relationship then you meet and its like “woah” I don’t even know this person….and you put on the brakes. The mystery and excitement is gone before you even meet them.
It IS artificial….and that gets pointed out very clearly the first time you meet in person….you don’t really know if you click until you can feel the chemistry….you just can’t feel that over IM
Also….I think people get a false sense of “endless opportunity” I mean why settle for this person when there is an inbox full of all these wonderful, attractive people just dying to meet you?
I know internet dating is commonplace nowdays….I just can’t get my head around it…I have tried….but I guess I’m just old fashioned….it all just feels too fake to me. Its more fun learning all about a new person by spending time with them, and actually living it….rather than just hearing about who they are over e-mail and IM….where is the mystery and excitement in that?
Re: dating sites and "the lack of chemistry thing" NO DATE: yeah you know and i mean? I'm finding it's not only them but also me who doesn't feel the chemistry , what is the answer? I don't know! I talked with a couple of people for HOURS and HOURS about all types of interesting things, but then you meet them and it's just like you can't envision yourself being with them even though you spend another 5 hours with them in person because the conversation is so great! I don't get it argh!
Re: dating sites and "the lack of chemistry thing" NO DATE: [quote author=The Poster formerly known as whiskeygirl link=topic=29537.msg288878#msg288878 date=1148957643">
I think a lot of times people spend so much time on IM and the phone that they create this fantasy person…..then when you meet in real life suddenly they aren’t so perfect…[color=red"> .meanwhile you’ve talked about everything under the sun and as far as “knowing” each other you are at the level of a one month relationship then you meet and its like “woah” I don’t even know this person….and you put on the brakes. The mystery and excitement is gone before you even meet them.[/color">
It IS artificial….and that gets pointed out very clearly the first time you meet in person….you don’t really know if you click until you can feel the chemistry….you just can’t feel that over IM
Also….I think people get a false sense of “endless opportunity” I mean why settle for this person when there is an inbox full of all these wonderful, attractive people just dying to meet you?
I know internet dating is commonplace nowdays….I just can’t get my head around it…I have tried….but I guess I’m just old fashioned….it all just feels too fake to me. Its more fun learning all about a new person by spending time with them, and actually living it….rather than just hearing about who they are over e-mail and IM….where is the mystery and excitement in that?
[/quote">
all good points!
I only spend a limited time on IM anyway and I require phone conversation before I ever meet anyone, however I put restictions on the amount of time put into multi media conversation a day or two max! then either meet me or forget it.. and I think your right about the level of a one month relationship quote above. I think THIS is the crux of the issue as to why I think dating sites can't really work for the masses, ya one or two out of every what?? thousand maybe "click" phew those are big bad odds I think! lol
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