COLD FEET ? star13erin: Hi,
I am new here and wanted to share my recent story in hopes to get some advice from you guys.
I am engaged to a terrific man. We have been together for 3.50 yrs. Our wedding date is july 15 just 6 weeks away and he decided 2 weeks ago that he doesn't feel right about it and that he doesn't exactly know what it is that has him scared and freaking out but knows it's something. Now, I must tell you all that for the past 3 some years he has been very loyal and nothing but good to me, we never really had any issues and I thought and felt very much in love and friends...Our friends would always say they envyed our relationship etc.... Now this? Not to mention I am devestated but he has become very distant and cold. He promises it is not another woman but just confussed feelings. My question to probably the guys is do I leave him alone and give space to him to tell me what he wants to do or pursue him and make him make a decision.. Ladies as you probably are thinking like I am , I Have deadlines to meet and have to move forward or cancel this gig.. It was very hard for me today to pick up the wedding invitations and pay 1200 bucks for them when I may be throwing them in the garbage... Any suggestions on how to handle this situation gently without backing him in the corner.. Oh yeah, I did give him the ring back the day he told me all this... I felt so rejected.
Re: COLD FEET ? feelin lost: It's hard but hindsight is 20/20. My Stbx wanted to call off our engagement once and I did the same things you are doing (can't cancel too many $$). I'm not saying that given the choice I would take back the last 6 years of my life but it's really hard ending it now and thinking back to all the red flags before the marriage even happened. The what-if's will kill ya. Cancel the wedding and then work on the relationship if you want but don't try to force him into a wedding based on material things along.
Re: COLD FEET ? brokenbaby: I put my wedding off twice for my stbxh....
Really think about yourself and your wants right now. I wouldnt change having been married, I dont regret it. But this process isn't much fun.
Re: COLD FEET ? star13erin: Thanks for the reply. I want a healthy relationship and I guess I did sound like I was basing it all on the "wedding" itself and I agree with you totally but I really don't care much about the money and the material part of it.. I guess what stumps me is why the distance and talking out of both sides of his mouth.. I asked him the day he told me this if he wanted me to cancel the wedding or even postpone it and he said NO... I can't figure it out not to mention how hard it is to live with someone who is acting like this...
confussed!
Re: COLD FEET ? Feel: Well reading your story, it seems that before there is an actual commitment they get cold feet... I think that we as women who do most of the preparation don't have a chanc eto have cold feet, maybe if the man was more involved in the preparations they wouldn't have time to think this way... being said if he even as much gave it a thought I wouldn't worry about the money, thank God that there are no kids involved and walk now because it will caust you time, money and major heart ache later!
My STBX took off 2weeks before the wedding, I couldn't find him... I thought something happend, I was 5 months pregnant and almost ended up in the hospital because of his selfish behaviour... I wish I would have walked then too! :'( :-*
