Re: I'm shocked Redponcho: Stay strong. If your wife is a lesbian thene there is nothing you can do about it and you did nothing wrong. If and when she does come out there are some things you need to be prepared for. She will be shunned by some family and friends this could lead to depression. She will most likely pull away from any children as that lifestyle is not a "family" one. that was a hard thing for me to deal with she doesnt seem to want to be a parent. Being left hurts it doesnt matter what the gender is of the other person. Stay strong for you and your kid. She most likely will need counsiling by herself. How old is your boy???
Re: I'm shocked Redponcho: Man I just read your blog. It almost brought me to tears and I am at work. Your story is almost identical to mine. Mine was going out 3-4 times a week and staying out till 5 a.m too. After she told me she left the house and went on a month long bender. I hate to say it but get a lawyer. She will most likely be depressed and feel guilty. I know this is bad but use it to your advantage. Protect yourself and your kids. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. One thing that helped me was if knowing the answer to a question wont help me then I didnt ask the question. Part of me wanted to know if my wife cheated on me but knowing wouldnt helpme so I didnt ask. It doesnt matter. Unfortunatly I am glad you are here. I thought I was the only one dealing with this.
Re: I'm shocked Feel: Just a word of advice... Stay away from any other attention in anyway from any other women... regardless if she is whatever she thinks after a husband and a child, you don't want to be at fault for ANYTHING!
You don't want to make it easier for the other person to run away from their problems... why make it easier for her, so that she can tell you that you were the one who ruined the marriage!
Anyway, I met someone after a year & 9months and then he decided to come home and then when it didn't work because I knew what he was still doing and I walked away he made it look like I continued to see the NM while I took him back and he made all his family believe that I have been with him since last year... All I remember from last year is struggling to get out of bed, pay my bills, makesure my son didn't see me cry, which wasn't very often and struggle to look at myself in the mirror because I hated myself and felt I was the one who made him go to the OW, which I may add he is still with... And I still cry myself to sleep now some nights, whether the NM is there or not :'(
Re: I'm shocked just_me_detroit: [quote"> What does that mean, "two print outs of couples councelors"? Does that mean she set the appointments, or that she alread went with someone/by herself?[/quote">
It means she was looking for councelors. I was trying to find out if she made an appointment yet. She hadn't yet. What was interesting to me was that she was looking for someone with particular expertise.
[quote author=whisp link=topic=29582.msg289425#msg289425 date=1149060554">
Why did you agree to counseling if you want a divorce?
[/quote">
My emotions are a roller coaster right now. If she would return to a loving mother and wife then I would love to stay with her. Also I really don't want to put my kids through a divorce. I just can't stay married to the woman that has been here the last year.
[quote author=Redponcho link=topic=29582.msg289430#msg289430 date=1149073608">
She will most likely pull away from any children as that lifestyle is not a "family" one. that was a hard thing for me to deal with she doesnt seem to want to be a parent. She most likely will need counsiling by herself. How old is your boy???
[/quote">
I hope she doesn't pull away from the kids. I am really afraid of it though. When we were having issues last year one of the things she told me was she didn't want to be a wife or a mother anymore. She has been a lot better with the kids the last couple of days.
[quote author=Redponcho link=topic=29582.msg289434#msg289434 date=1149074897">
Man I just read your blog.
[/quote">
I just started the blog. It is my diary. I've never done anything like it before , but I am really glad I did. It along with this site have really changed me for the better. I had been depressed and feeling sorry for myself for months. I am now a lot more confident and know that it is she that will lose the most. I also realized that I am not the only one dealing with this. Anyways feel free to read and comment on the blog. A lot of things mirror what's here, but I think it will start to deviate. I have been posting to the blog first to figure out what I am feeling then come here to share.
[quote author=Redponcho link=topic=29582.msg289434#msg289434 date=1149074897">
One thing that helped me was if knowing the answer to a question wont help me then I didnt ask the question. Part of me wanted to know if my wife cheated on me but knowing wouldnt helpme so I didnt ask. It doesnt matter.
[/quote">
I think this is great advice and I will try to remember it. Thanks!
[quote author=Feel link=topic=29582.msg289444#msg289444 date=1149079612">
Just a word of advice... Stay away from any other attention in anyway from any other women... regardless if she is whatever she thinks after a husband and a child, you don't want to be at fault for ANYTHING!
[/quote">
Again thank you for the advice and sharing your story. I trully don't want to date now. Even if somebody did email me I most likely wouldn't write back. The match.com thing is only about my ego and self esteem. I re-read my profile on there. Boy do I sound like a loser on the rebound. With that profile I am sure no one will contact me anyways.
Re: I'm shocked Chris101: Your sure not alone, I can tell you that, I read your blog and it sure does bring back some memories. My ex came and went for months not caring a whole lot about the kids or I. Same kind of thing, late nights, lots of excuses and lies. It was also someone at work that she spent a lot of time with. There was always a crisis of some sort that she had to help her with, they will say anything to spend time together. Not to make you feel worse but my ex did cheat because she felt that it wasn't cheating, because it was with a girl, you might want to prepare for that one.
