marriage as the solution?? mia071: I was in a long term relationship that lasted 5 yrs. on and off. I was engaged at one point. We have broken up 3 times his excuse was that he had a lot of problems and wanted to be by himself. I always took him back because I love him dearly. It's a long distance relationship he lives 90 miles away so we always talked on the phone and saw each other on the weekends. Then, he started ignoring my calls, would not come see me and made up excuses. I suspected there was somebody else, but could not face it until he broke up with me and after an argument told me "yes there's someone else". I was completely devastated and even more when I found out she's 19. He's 29 and I'm 34 he said it has nothing to do with age I wish I could believe him.
He owes a lot of money and I admit I use that as an excuse to talk to him, the truth is that I miss him a lot. Lately, I have been thinking about getting back with him I am desperate. I know this is crazy, but I keep thinking maybe if we would have gotten married this would not have happened. I want to propose to him I would like for us to get married and have a child, but I am afraid he will reject me and this will make things worse. Am I delusional why do I feel this way?
Re: marriage as the solution?? tomuchpain: I don't think that getting married would of made it any better. Its like having a kid to save the marriage. In the end when you do breakup it just makes it all the more difficult to separate. Not to mention the effect that it would have on any kids.
If you have to get married to save the relationship then how long do you think the marriage is going to last? I think that right now you would do anything to get him back. And now that you know about his OW it has made these feeling to get him back even more intense.
I wish you the best of luck but in my opinion getting married would not be the answer to your problems. And no I don't think that you are delusional you are just in alot of pain which can easily cloud your judgment.
Re: marriage as the solution?? lilly10: That is normal to think that way. It goes along with the could of would of should of stage of the breakup/separation. It is very painful when you find out that you were "replaced" and you will have thoughts and memories for a long time about what it could have been. In the beginning of the breakup you really just remember all the wonderful moments because you are morning the loss. Eventually you may be very grateful you did not marry this man.
I don't know your whole situation but you stated that you guys broke up 3 times. Again I don't know the reasons but I would have to think there were some issues if you guys ended things that many times. All relationships have issues but breaking up like that can be an unhealthy pattern.
I went through the same feelings about wishing I was married to my ex of 6 years. I thought that he would of never divorced me and that if I only had that piece of paper he would of still been with me. Well most people on Ojar are divorced or getting divorced so being married did not save there relationship.
Your hurting and I am sorry that you have to go through this. Stay as positive as you can and you will be ok it just takes time. Everything you are feeling in this process is normal.
Re: marriage as the solution?? mia071: Thanks for the advice. I know marriage would be a big mistake like everyone else keeps telling me. I will try to remain positive and not let this experience change me.
Re: marriage as the solution?? Feel: why do u ask if marriage is the solution, has he asked you?
To be honest, you don't need that sh*t.... you guys live far away anyway, he obviously acts as if he is CASANOVA! "19" come on, he needs to grow up.
Pull up your socks and go find yourself a new man, older, mature and one with money, you deserve it... Don't call him, screw the money you can make it back... one day someone will take him for his money and a ride as he has done too you, by that time you will be happy and married and probably with a child and a beautiful home.... :)
Think positive thatnk god u don't have any children or a marriage with him
