Dating - and the ex Arien: I've recently started dating someone (B), and it's been going VERY well. ;D I'm excited about it - we have a lot in common and enjoy our time together. And we both ski!
Here's the issue - because there's always an issue, I think! B is intimidated by the fact that I've been married. He's even afraid that my ex and I will eventually get back together - even though I've explained the reasons for the divorce (betrayal on my ex's part) and assured him that I am not maintaining contact with my ex.
Although this is an issue B will have to deal with within himself, I'd like to know: Are these feelings to be expected? Is this likely to improve as time goes on? Could this be a little insecurity on his part? And how might you address it if you were in this situation? Is there anything else I can say or do to comfort him?
I welcome any advice - I really like B and would like to handle this issue as sensitively as I can!
Re: Dating - and the ex jillieb44: How long have you been divorced? If it's been a while, then yes, B has to deal with it, it's HIS issue.
If, OTOH, your divorce is very recent, I can see where he'd be more wary, justified or not. My divorce is recent, but the end was years ago and I'm way over it. Though someone might choose to judge me based on the fact that it was less than 2 months ago...
Jillie
Re: Dating - and the ex 2be: I agree with JIllie that time is important. I'm finding that out with the woman I'm dating. I've been honest with her up front and only just recently is she expressing concern about the newness of my divorce (2 months legally, 4 separated and about 7 since I found out she cheated on me). She is 8 years out of her divorce so it is not a concern of mine.
Time will tell. I doubt there are any words that you haven't already said that will make him feel comfortable. It is time and your actions that will prove you're over him.
Good luck.... :)
Re: Dating - and the ex Arien: Thanks, Jillie and 2be. :)
My divorce has been final for seven months, and we've been separated for a year longer than that. I think a lot of this has to do with that fact that "B" has never been married - and the idea of my having been with someone so long is a little threatening to him. He wonders how I was able to cut my ex out of my life so easily. But as I've explained to him - there is nothing easy about divorce. I had a lot of angry feelings that I addressed through counseling and with the help of great friends and family. I left the marriage because I HAD to - my ex was dishonest, passive-aggressive, and clearly unable to commit to anyone or anything. Hey, I'm venting! ;D
Anyway, I agree with you 2be:
[quote"> It is time and your actions that will prove you're over him.[/quote">
And good luck to you, too! It's a good thing that the woman you're dating is being honest with you about her feelings. I KNOW that B's openness is a breath of fresh air for me - honesty? Wow!
And Jillie:
[quote"> My divorce is recent, but the end was years ago and I'm way over it.[/quote">
Same here, although my divorce is not quite as recent as yours. I am also completely over the relationship and excited about starting a new life!
Re: Dating - and the ex shygirl2006: It's a feeling of lack of security. Only time can fix that. You are right it is his issue and he may not be able to overcome it. I think it has some to do with self esteem as well.
