Confused, Frusterated and Need to Talk jessmessen: I have been married for 11 years and knew before I got married I did not love my husband they way I should. But we had an 18 month child together and all I heard from family and friends are you need to do the right thing from your child, he is a good man, you are lucky to have such a good man and the list goes on. I have struggled everyday since. His number one priority has always been his work and I have been very alone in this marriage. I struggle with the fact that he is faithful, he loves me, he is a good provider and loves his child very much… but I am miserable in the marriage and don’t want to hurt him, but I know that I am hurting myself. I told my mom that I am miserable and wanted to try a separation and I got lectured that GOD does not condone divorce and it takes sacrifice to stay with someone. I love my mom! I have not told her that I am filing for a legal separation. My husband is 15 years older than me and well yes I fill I have made huge mistakes; we had our child when I was 22. I have no idea who I am but I do know that I am miserable. I am hoping with the separation I may have a chance to understand myself. I do not hate my husband and I hope that he finds the love he deserves. I was chatting with a friend the other day and I told her about my struggle with my feelings and my family feelings and she said something that really hit home. With my mom generation a good man was a faithful man that provides for his family and women were expected to be satisfied with that. Well I am not and I sometime feel alone in that thinking.
Re: Confused, Frusterated and Need to Talk brokenbaby: I'm not sure I understand completely. You married your husband knowing you did not love him?
Have you both been faithful to the marriage? Have you talked to him about your feelings?
Re: Confused, Frusterated and Need to Talk jessmessen: Yes we were both faithfull in the marriage. Yes we have talked, but not until just last year he started listening. I thought great he is finally trying maybe this can work. But somewhere a little to little a little to late keeps coming into play.
Yes I hate to say I married him knowing I did not love him. I was thousands of miles away from my family and he was all I had. We did not get married until 2 years after we got together. I am not sure what I thought. I care about him as a person, not as a wife. It has been 6 years before the seperation with no Intimacy.
Re: Confused, Frusterated and Need to Talk yaz: You sound like you're in so much pain. My heart goes out to you.
But I come from the other side of the equation--the spouse who doesn't know that something is terribly wrong. So I would say -- can you identify what it is about him and your marriage is making you unhappy? Can you try to work with him to improve things? It sounds like you may have been keeping all of this bottled up or hidden and I don't think it's fair to anyone -- you, him and especially your child, to leave without giving it some kind of a chance -- perhaps with the guidance of a *good* counselor.
Of course you deserve to be satisfied in your marriage -- everyone does. And if you've been miserable the entire time you've been with him--that's no way to live. But I also really believe that adage: wherever you go, there you are. What I mean by this is, if your struggle/unhappiness turns out to be an internal one-- it might just come with you when you leave.
