What to be? lodaca: To be or not to be? I am angry, I am sad, I am positive, I am negative. What should I be? I do have a lot of anger over this thing. My wife gave up. She didn’t think that I was worth it. She told me that she thought this day would come she just didn’t know when. What???? I never thought this day would come. It never really crossed my mind. Until I found out she was seeing another man that is. Sure there were plenty of days, weeks, even months when she drove me up the wall but I never thought there would be a time that we wouldn’t be together. That’s mess up. She was just waiting. I guess then when some guy peaked her interest came along she finally decided she was done waiting. Just crazy. Who teats people like that? When I am ignoring my heart and listen to my head I am actually pretty positive. Thinking about how now I can move on with my life and eventually find somebody that does want to be with me. I mean at least now I have a cheat sheet for all the signs that your realationship is going bad. But then my heart kicks in and I feel like an idiot that tried and tried to make his marriage work when the outcome was already determined. I mean honestly I miss what I think we had dearly but as more days go by I see am starting to see her as a totally different person. I don’t mean that in bad, insulting way. It is just all things that I found attractive about her are gone. I guess that is what happens. It is just hard being alone.
Re: What to be? Peaceandquiet: Yea it is hard being alone.. its hard to face the fact that your life has been altered.. its hard to see all the things you could have done then that you know now. But it doesn't change where you are today. The thoughts and the feelings will rattle around for a long time to come. The decisions you make in the future will bonce off of your past and test your ability to make the right decision with your heart and not your head. But now you have that knowledge to move forward with.. you have the experience and you know where to focus your energy. Its like hitting your thumb with a hammer the first time you do it it hurts like hell.. The second time you are more cautious of where your thumb lies. You might hit it again but at least you know how to lesson the blow. I don't think our paths are every really lit for us.. even when we were married.. somethimes I think that's what makes this life so interesting.. if we saw where we were going and the hurdles we would have to over come.. it would be pretty damn boring ;)
Re: What to be? lodaca: Thanks PaQ,
I know what you mean. I guess life would be boring. Although right now I could take a little boring. I know that I will learn from this and move on become a better person for it. I really liked what you had to say about the decisions you make in the future will bounce off or your past. Nicely said.
Thanks again.
