Please, I need some words of encouragement AtaLoss: We weren't married. We've only been together for a little over 2 years. He's got tons going on in his life right now and we have a small distance relationship....2 1/2 hour drive.
He had a nervous breakdown a little over a year ago and ended it with me. I was here then. Everyone here kept me sane. Then he came back to me after about a month. Things were great, or so I thought, up until about 3 weeks ago. It's like he's going through a breakdown again. We ended it on Friday. I'm sick over it. I just don't know what to do. Everything I see reminds me of him. His stuff is still here, and my apartment is kinda small.....his things are kinda big, so there really isn't anyplace I can put them to get them out of sight. And he has no where else to put them right now. This was his home, and he can't afford a place on his own. He was only here 2 weekends out of the month anyway. That part is kinda complicated.
Anyway, I don't know how I'm going to go on. I don't want to lose him again. Yeah, sure, I made some mistakes. I was insecure from the first time he did this. That made him mad. I've been bummed out about life in general. That's normal from time to time. He says he can't be in a relationship right now because he has to find out what makes HIM happy. Oh, but he still "loves me" and he "misses me all the time". Whatever. I did EVERYTHING for this man. I have never worked or fought for anything so f*cking hard before in my life. I tried so hard to show him that life can be great. Relationships can be great. Not what he was used to. We were so compatible. We enjoyed the same things, talked every day all day. I'm completely lost. How will I ever trust anyone again? How will I know the next person (if there will ever be one) is telling me the truth about how he's feeling? How can I ever give my heart and soul to someone without having the fear that it's going to get crushed again????? Why would he come home this past weekend, have an amazing time, amazing sex....then tell me Friday that he "can't give me what I need right now". All I f*cking need is an I love you at the end of our conversations. Or some emails, some f*cking communication! Something we didn't have any problems with before 3 weeks ago!!! I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND! We had so many plans for the future. All gone. GOD I HATE HIM FOR DOING THIS TO ME AGAIN! Sorry, this might not make any sense. I'm just freaking out and sad, depressed and lost. So so lost. I don't know how to move on again. So many memories. Everything I see reminds me of him, I can't do anything around here, I can't go into the bedroom, I can't watch TV without seeing a commercial or some stupid something that reminds me of him. I can't get him off my mind at work because my line of work reminds me of his line of work. God, I'm so pathetic. I don't want to be alone. And right now I feel like I'll be alone forever. I'm not meant to be alone! But I don't want anyone else! I compare everyone else to him!!! He's all I ever wanted. I just want to die :'(
Re: Please, I need some words of encouragement sosad05: Sorry to hear of what you are going through. It will just take time. The best thing you can do right now is focus on yourself. Give him some space. You are going through a loss so its very normal to feel hurt/confused/angry. Try to put his things in an area of your home so you dont have to look at them all the time. The best thing you can do right now is try to take it a day at a time. Good luck.
Re: Please, I need some words of encouragement Amor: I'm so sorry. I really am. You must know that you are not alone. As I type this, I too am clinging to my cell phone and sitting in front of the computer just waiting for some kind of communication. Just a call from her to say hello.
Sending hugs.
Re: Please, I need some words of encouragement Freckles: I hope you feel Better
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I am Praying for You that it works out
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Re: Please, I need some words of encouragement littlelinsmiles: Hang in there and look to friends and family for support. If they wont help you if you can get a counselor. Everyone here is also really great! It does get better and you will be stronger and you will eventually find someone who treats you right. As I pack up all my things to move I found old journals about how I couldnt live without him and I would not be able to survive. Then I found all the wedding stuff and those journals about being in love. As the years went on I found journals of sadness and lonliness. Now I cant wait until I am free so I can live again. I know you feel like you cant go on and you dont want to but hang on.. in few years you will be able to look back on this and you will be stronger.
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