I'm totally devastated shocked: I'm new to the board...I thought it would be good to share my story.
My husband and I met in undergrad in Atlanta, Georgia (I'm originally from IL and he is originally from CA). (we've been together for 9 years, but married for 1). We dated and then decided to pursue medical and law school in Nashville, TN. I attended Vanderbilt Law School and he attended Meharry Medical College. My husband then chose to pledge into a fraternity in medical school and admittedly, things haven't been quite right since then with him---he's been unable to focus, having great difficulty concentrating... He's even admitted suffering from post-traumatic stress. His grades dropped, he couldn't concentrate, and I was put on the back burner as well as school. He went from a 4 year student to a 5 1/2 year student. He almost failed out of medical school.
I stood by him 100% during that time period while handling my own studies. Following graduation I went on to work in Illinois while he was finishing school in Nashville. It was approximately six months after I started working and graduated when he proposed to me. We married June 4, 2005. He was very involved in the wedding plans and seemingly very excited. We knew we've been through some rough patches, but I was under the impression that once he graduated and began residency, things would calm down since it seemed that's where most of his stress originated.
Well, even after graduation, he still had to finish some classes. We had already married and he traveled back to Nashville to finish up for about 3 months. He returned around September/October to Chicago (that's where we were residing). During this time I worked to support us and he contributed what he could at the time since he only had student loans and no other income other than borrowing money from his parents. He used loan money to help with rent and other household things, but soon that money ran out and he would ask for money from his parents. Soon that money ran out and I had to balance keeping us afloat while also taking care of my own financial responsibilities. Not only was I handling rent and things of that nature, but I also started to assist him with his credit card debt.
We do not have joint bank accounts, and I put utilities and other bills in my name because he is very impulsive and strapped financially. I had to assist him in getting auto insurance because of his credit and speeding tickets. I was also paying for health insurance for the both of us. He has since moved to New Jersey (and I helped in move in) because he was not able to get a residency in Illinois, mainly because of failing step 2 of the boards and having to retake the exam.
We celebrated our 1st year anniversary on Sunday, June 4th and I found out the next day that he had been cheating on me before and after the wedding...as recent as a month ago. He wants the divorce....I guess it's the best thing....but it's not fair that he took that decision away from me and that he didn't even give me a chance to choose to forgive him or not. He has also struggled with a pornography addiction and has been seeing a psychiatrist for it, which is part of the way I found out about the infidelity (he asked me to put a filter/tracker on our home computer to help him).
He wants me to file, and to file on non-fault grounds after the separation period.....so "he doesn't have anything on his record." He admitted the affair but is in a state of denial. He says we're just not right for each other, just not meant to be. That's fine, but the bottom line is he never had to propose, never had to marry, and chose to have an affair while married (not to mention that my parents spent A LOT of money on the wedding and he knew how much it was costing)
Our families are really close and of course I still have love for him.
Now he's telling me not to contact his family or friends because they don't want to hear from me any longer because they support him not me...I've spoken with some of his family and friends who say that is not true, but it hurts nonetheless. I just can't believe this is the same person that expressed so much love for me before. It's like two completely different people. I'm so terribly hurt, yet at the same time, I still love him so much and miss him...it's just so unbearable...if anyone out there reads this, please provide whatever support you can to me....this is the hardest thing I've ever experienced in my life....I just don't understand how he could be so cold and heartless to me of all people...
Re: I'm totally devastated e-blogger: shocked,
Welcome to the club. :'(
I'm terribly sorry that after all of your efforts, you now have to endure the shock and the coming terrible feelings of torture that will take the longest to go away.
Re: I'm totally devastated Freckles: I am Sad that Your Husband is doing all that.
You are a Good Person and it's not your fault that he is like that.
I am Praying that you feel better
:)
Re: I'm totally devastated sosad05: This makes me sick. I feel inclined to tell you to tell him to "f*ck off". Get a good atty and get some sort of compensation for the years you helped to finance him through school. Unfortunately, I've learned that blood seems to be thicker than water. We are here for you.
((((HUGS)))))
Re: I'm totally devastated shocked: Thank you all for your words and support...you don't even know me and you have taken the time to reach out...I will be forever grateful...
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