I don't want to continuethis journey giver: Well...today is apparently going to be one of the worst days yet for me. I have this overwhelming desire to just give up....give in.... I'm so tired and so emotionally drained. I hold on to every little thing that might lead to an ounce of hope that we can reconcile. Then I find that nothing has really changed and I'm devastated all over again. I love him so much. I don't want to do this.....I can't do this. I just want to lay down and die. My heart hurts so bad. I'm tired of hurting. I feel so empty...so alone. I know in my head that I have to go on for our daughters sake, but rightnow I'm just not sure I can. He's always been the one I leaned on, the one I ran to, the one I depended on. Now he's gone. Just up and gone. After nearly 12 yearshe just walks away. How can he just walk away? Why is my love not enough? Why is our family not fullfilling to him? How can he give up on something so great? I CAN"T DO THIS!!!! I don't wanna do this anymore. This isn't fair. Somebody....anybody....please....I don't know how to stop the tears. I feel like I'm drowning in them andI don't know how to save myself.....and I'm not sure that I want to anymore. I just want this pain to go away anyway I can make it!!!!
Re: I don't want to continuethis journey thejoker: well I think i speak for everyone when I say .. DO NOT GIVE UP!!
there is hope
there is love
there is the ojar community and we are all here for you.
deep down inside you is the strength to survive, but you gotta find it.
Re: I don't want to continuethis journey Peaceandquiet: yup have to go with the joker on this.. quitting is not an option..sorry. Best advise I can give for the stage your in right now.. is just cry.. cry out all the hurt all the pain and soon it will stop.. You have to morn the loss before you can go on. Your feeling will change in time and all the questions you have as to why will tend to fade away. Life will start over again. I posted something long ago about how you may have a scar from this experience that you will look back at from time to time and you may even feel the pain everyonce in a while, but it will not be the end of you. I know it doesn't feel like that now and it feels like it will never end.. but it does... I'm almost two years out now.. even though the scar is still pretty fresh I very rarley feel it anymore..
Re: I don't want to continuethis journey thejoker: there is no one in there right mind (or left for that matter) who would say any relationship that ends is without pain. Nor is it without that sense of hopelessness. But it is not hopeless, and the pain will subside. You need to accept it, grieve it, and deal with it, Not neccessarily in that order.
If you only can look past the gaping wound someone has inflicted on you then you can see the whole world out there waiting for you.
But, you have to try to see it. If you just let your self be fixated on the wound then it will never heal.
(((hugs)))
Re: I don't want to continuethis journey Goddess: I have to agree with the previous 2 posters.. Like P & Q said..you are scarred but you move on and with time you look back and a scar is just a scar...
I know the pain you are feeling.. not for the exact same reasons..but I know the desperate..I cant go on without this person feelings.. I know the feeling alone in the world.. but from someone that learned the hard way.. I learned that I wasnt alone.. and that if I had too..I could go on without him.. and he wasnt worth my life, my self-worth, my wonderful spirit..
This hurts like hell... will probably be one of the worst things you ever go through and I dont know how to diminish your pain other than tell you to hang on to whatever you can.. Your daughter.. a friend.. stay logged on here and let the keyboard catch your tears...but you WILL make it to the other side! There are many people here that are testaments to that..
We are all here for you... hang in there...
(((hugs)))
Goddess
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