Knowing... yella: Spike's threads and my own thoughts are prompting a question that I'm hoping to shed a little light on. Actually, I'm hoping it'll shed light on things for all of us.
In terms of fighting for love, when do you know to fight for something, and when do you know to walk away? Better yet, how do you know when to do each? Are there signs you're seeing, or feelings that are over-powering? When do you let go of your fear and just have faith that waiting, and having patience will work?
How do you know when it's just a fear of being alone, or if it's really something worth holding out for? I used to know this back in the day, but real life stepped in and now it's all in a cloud.
How do you know that it's worth it?
Re: Knowing... sheydp: Part of it you answered.... you are more sure if BEFORE you were in the relationship, you knew you were ok alone. I love my relationship, but I would rather be alone than settle. Alone isn't really alone for me, I have lots of good friends, and I know I can get my basic needs met quite happily.
Another part to me... one that helps let go of fear... is to realize that you WILL get hurt. You will hurt to be in it, hurt to be out of it. In it, the pain is going to be about expectations that weren't met... About hopes that won't come true... No one is perfect, no one matches perfectly. The pain out of it will be the wondering if you aren't being fair to a wonderful person who is imperfect like you are - missing out on the sharing you can have together... Wondering if it isn't so much being picky, as being judgemental and closed off... When you realize you will be hurt either way... you can really see where on the balance this person is.
Are they a really wonderful person that matches you and that you love? Are the problems "fixable"? Are they working on theirs, you working on yours to come to some agreement. Is it something you can live with if it isn't "fixed"? How long will you give it to figure out if it will be? What will you BOTH do if it starts coming back again? Can you work together on issues - how is your communication with each other?
You have to look at these issues with eyes open - about yourself and them. I am constantly struggling with wanting to see/interpret things my own way instead of the way they are. Sometimes I interpret them badly - if I am feeling particularly self-destructive or negative - sometimes I interpret them to satisfy me with how I WANT it to be. Trying to see clearly is difficult, and a lot of work. Worth it work, though (though painful).
Only you CAN know if it is worth it - by sifting through everything. If it IS worth it, only you can ACT on that - including imposing limits on yourself. Limits on your negativity, limits on your expectations that might be unreasonable, and limits on how long you will wait to see if things really are the way you hope. Your limits... not anyone elses.
Shey
Re: Knowing... thehitekrednek: Knowing???? Man, I hate knowing. Ignorance is bliss!!! Sorry, Sweety, but if I had been completely oblivious, I wouldn't feel the way I feel. I can't say when to fight, and when to walk away, because I'm just not sure. If I could figure that out, I wouldn't be so freaking confused right now. It's just something that happens, it may be right, it may be wrong, but it is always a choice.
Re: Knowing... yella: Ignorance is bliss... that's right! When I was 17, I knew nothing but what was in my heart, and I went with it. I didn't care so much about getting hurt because I really didn't know it was going to hurt, or how much.
I held onto to something because it was what I was taught. Now I question those lessons. I live with the mentality that I only have one life to live and that time is slipping away. Way too fast...
That's where my patience gets lost. :-\ Patience... that word has been thrown at me way too much this weekend. I DON'T HAVE ANY!
I'm getting a headache. ::)
Re: Knowing... thehitekrednek: Why should we be patient? Were those f*ckups patient when they hurt us? No, they did what they did, blindly, without any thoughts about us. So, why should we be patient waiting to be treated like we're are supposed to be treated from someone who has made a committment. I'm sorry, I'm venting again.
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