How many more times can he break my heart? AMG: Its been awhile since I have posted here. I have been riding the roller coaster and having a very difficult time letting go.
About a month ago he contacted me, he wants to be friends. I told him I needed space. Which, was one of the most difficult things Ive had to do. It sent me backwards, back to the pain.
He called again Friday. He is coming to town and wants to see me. It drug out through the weekend and last night I told him again I needed space. He says all these nice things, and then he says all these hurtful things. In one breath he acts like he wants us to work out, the next breath he is convinced it will never be. He admits he is being selfish. By the end of the phone call I am reassuring HIM that we will be friends someday. WTF
We were together for 3 years, we have been broken up for 5 months. 5 of the most painful and difficult months of my life. I am just so sick of hurting. I want him back so bad, and things are way beyond complicated. I havent been able to truely let him go in these 5 months. He says he hasnt let me go either, I guess he will now. He says his life isnt the same without me in it. He just wants a friendship is what I keep trying to tell myself. Why does he insist on making me relive our break up, and making me have to basically let him go over and over again. It hurts to see how easy he is over our "relationship" and can just jump into a friendship.
Re: How many more times can he break my heart? watwat226: Hi AMG,
Only you can decide if and when you want to be friends with him. If you’re not ready now and you need your space you have to tell him that. That also means implementing the no contact rule. Obviously talking to this man isn’t helping you feel any better so when one thing doesn’t work then it’s time you have to try something else. And that is no contact. Don’t let him string you along. Don’t let him think that you will be there to catch him when he falls.
Just my opinion. As they say, it will get better. Hard to believe, but it’s true. Sorry you’re going through this.
Re: How many more times can he break my heart? AMG: Yes, it is hard to believe that I will make it through this.
I have done the no contact rule. He lets it go for a while. Then he willl call my cell, and if he really wants to talk to me...he calls my work. That is how he got me this last time, he called my work. It is my fault for letting it drag out all weekend, I just had to tell him I would think about it to get him off the phone Fri. Sun. I called him back to tell him No.
I am so scared he is going to show up at my work. (He told me he was going to do so) I do not want to see him. I cant. I am not ready. Plus, just knowing he is here. Why did he have to let me know. My heart hopes he shows up, but my head knows it wont be for the reasons I want. And, my head definately dosent want him to show up. But, honestly I really dont think he will...I finally broke down and cried last night, I tried not too, but I think he finally realized how he was hurting me.
I dont know. I cant keep going through this cycle where he lets me go for a while, then forces me to tell him to leave me alone. How many times can I relive this.
Why are people so selfish. He said he wished he could be in my shoes to know what I feel. Yeah, me too. I shouldnt want him back, but I do. I am truely miserable.
Re: How many more times can he break my heart? stella: Hi,
My grandmother used to associate a relationship with a vase. Once the vase has been broken, no matter how much you try to glue it back, it will not be the same and carry a great potential to break apart.
I believe that he wants more than friendship and if he loves you, he should know that it hurts to be just friends with the one you used to share so much.
As a psychologist, I can only tell you that if he is coming back to town to see only you, then maybe he is rethinking his life and wants you to be a part of it. If he is coming to town for a business purpose and on the way stops by to see you, then he is a manipulator.
You say he says he hasn’t been able to let go of you, yet he wants you to be friends. That sounds like: “I want you, but I don’t want you for real.” When a man loves a woman he will “concur” her and want her. In your case he says that he hasn’t let you go, but wants you to be friends and to me this is the same as teasing a dog with a bone.
In my opinion if you let him win, he will hurt you over and over until one day he leaves you for good. Men who have gotten over relationships often forget about the women, or they keep some form of basic contact, but rarely to do they have such a relationship as the one your ex-boyfriend wants to have with you.
In my opinion if you truly love him and want him back then give him time to think it over and decide if he wants to be with you or not, there is no middle side in those circumstances.
I hope this helps as you as you are assessing your life and making an important decision. Just remember to concentrate on the long run, and don’t get carried away by the short run no matter how tempting it is.
Re: How many more times can he break my heart? watwat226: Wow stella, you have some great points there. A psychologist you say? You'll be really helpful on this site then.
But I guess if he keeps on bothering her and work and such then there's not much she can do about it. Unless it does get out of hand then the law has to be brought in.
But AMG, it is good that you have told him not to contact you. Too bad he can't take a hint hey. And it's not your fault for letting it drag on through the weekend. We can't really control our emotions, we're only human after all.
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