Having a rough time AMG: I am in so much pain. This past weekend really knocked me for a loop. I was doing some what ok until he called. It was so confusing, hearing him say nice/hopeful things and then in the next breath saying "unhopeful" things. After I talked to him on Fri. I actually had some hope. Sunday, things changed.
Knowing that he is in town is really messing w/ my head. Thoughts of what would be happening if we were still together keep sneaking into my head. I actually am so mad at him. How can he possibly think we could just switch gears into this great wonderful friendship? Is he freakin stupid.
I feel so drained. I am so tired of hurting, and right now I am just so tired I dont feel like I have the strength to do anything. I dont know why, but I cant seem to let go of him. I still have hope. Still wait for the phone to ring. Is this normal at 5 months? I feel like I should be further along. He said he hasnt let go either, but I know he is talking about a friendship. So, now he is going to let go of that too. Just move on, forget me. God, I wish it was that easy for me.
I wish I had a lap to curl up into a little ball and cry my eyes out in. He was my everything. I have been in love w/ him for 10 years. I believe that he is my soul mate. I love every thing about him. (Except how selfish he is being now - I try to focus on that, but as of now, I am failing miserably).
This week is going to suck knowing he is here, then Monday will suck knowing he is gone. I am so broken, I am sure I sound pitiful, but I am beaten. As of now, I dont not have the strength to pull my self up by the boot straps, etc. I even have a hard time believing it will get better. So far it really hasnt. And, oh look at that, he just called.
Has he no respect? I cant take this.
Re: Having a rough time ctrlaltdelete: I'm so sorry, AMG. I have been through this too, so can completely understand the pain you're in. You will survive it - really, you will. Try to tell yourself for every really down, really awful day, you will have a really good day down the line. Try not to live for the day on days like this, but for the hour or for the minute. Whatever works for you.
