First Love....at 32 larry: Hi,
until I was 27 years old, I was very much an introvert. I met my first girlfriend at 27 and was with her for nearly 2.5 years. Being my first relationship I learned most of my hard lessons during it. It wasn't until the end of that relationship that I realized WHY I was unhappy, so I had to end it. I healed pretty quickly from the relationship because part of the reason I ended it was because I realized I wasn't truelly in love with her. None-the-less, I didn't begin dating again until about a year or year and half after that when I realized I wanted a girlfriend so I began actively dating.
After approximately 2 years I had dated approximately 12 women. I was interested in maybe 3 of them, all of which ended up not returning phone calls so I was left in the dark as to where, if anywhere, things were going. So I was pretty crushed by those. But I eventually got past them and continued dating until late last year, when as I was continuing to pursue the online dating thing, I met HER. The girl who I would have such a serious 7 month relationship with that she is really my first true love. Then break my heart. We met through a website, and the chemistry was literally instantaneous. So much that we went on our first date a mere 4 days later. And the date went so well, that we even kissed on the first date. So for the next 2-3 months we communicated multiple times a day, saw each other and talked on webcams, talked on the phone, and met each other 2-3 times a week. We talked repeatedly about how amazing it was how quickly we hit it off and how much chemistry we had. It was fantastic. This was a long distance relationship, with drives being about an hour and 15 mins to get to each other's places. She was so dedicated to us that she'd come clear to my work JUST to have an hour lunch with me, and even drove out to my apartment late one night JUST to pick me up and take us back to her place so we could spend some time together. With all that, I naturally fell for her, and her me.
I treated her like a queen, and she treated me like a king. I came to see her as much as she did me. We cooked dinners for each other, I got her her favorite flowers, wine, and made a picnic for us one time for her, me, and her daughter to enjoy at the zoo. Everything seemed perfect until little red flags, which I ignored, began to pop up. The first was when we were supposed to meet at a local bar in my town to support a friend who was running karaoke for the first time. She stood me up. She was on her way, but said she stopped at her girlfriends house to visit for a second, then ended up going to veterinary emergency cuz her friends dog swallowed something. I was livid. That was the first red flag-lack of courtesy to at least call when plans change.
The next red flag I ignored was when visits became less frequent, going from multiple times a week to once a week, then eventually to once every two weeks approximately. This started at about the 4th month. There were a number of times when she said she'd call and didn't, cancelled plans here and there (her reasons could very well have been legit, but regardless...). I asked her 3 times over the last half of the relationship if everything was ok, and if she was sure she was ready for a relationship, because she was only 4 months separated from her 2nd husband (which I didn't find out she was divorced twice until the 5th or 6th month). But I believed her when she said she was ready and wanted the relationship. Then after the 3rd time of talking with her about my insecurities because I knew in my gut something was up, but didn't know what, she had to sit down and think about it.
That's when she finally realized she couldn't be in a relationship. At least not the kind I wanted (serious relationship, marriage potential). She said she wasn't happy with herself and couldn't expect anyone to be happy with her when she wasn't happy with herself. She said at the time she ended it and still said even up to two weeks after she ended the relationship that she loves me and has faith that God will bring us back together one day. So that's what's making it the hardest to move on. Particularly since she was quite literally my first real love. I guess I'm just looking for encouragement at this point because for some reason I feel this sense of urgency to find someone before I get too old. What makes it worse is that I've never had intercourse. I've done other things, just not that. At any rate, feel free to comment, advise, or whatever. Thanks for reading. :(
Re: First Love....at 32 Feel: Sorry to hear you feel this way...
I know we all deal with pains differently so maybe you should just lookat this as an experience and maybe because you are having that thought of getting older and wanting to find someone so soon, you may have become very clinggy or too attached, not much of a challenge for her... Then again if she was any kind of a true woman, she wouldn't ahve kept you in limbo! We doa ll do it, but with her experiences I am sure she wouldn't like it!
You shouldn't feel you will never find someone, you will. Find something to do to keep yourself busy!
Also, I like the fact that you can say freely that you are still a virgin, but why are you at your age? I hope I don't sound to blunt asking this, I am just curious!
Re: First Love....at 32 tomuchpain: Larry I am really sorry that you found your first true love only 4 months after her separation with her 2nd husband. With that said I am sorry to say that I believe you were her rebound. That is why she can't seem to committ to the relationship. As bad as it sounds you were filling the emptiness that her 2nd husband left.
Now I could be wrong but I can't imagine that she would be ready for another serious relationship after only 4 months. I think that you should move on and if she is ready for a relationship she will find you. But you can't just wait around for it to happen.
I think that you should continue to date. After 27 years of not dating you have sometime to make up. And by the sound of your post it sounds like you are coming out of your interverted shell. 12 girls in 2 years? And don't worry about trying to find someone before you get too old. The harder you try the less it will happen. So don't try just go out meet women, go on dates and have fun. When you least expect it is when you will find your miss right.
Re: First Love....at 32 larry: Thank you everybody for your words and advice. Fleur, to answer your question, my reasons for abstaining are for both religious and marriage reasons. I've seen way too many single mothers out there due to irresonsibility on the part of the couple, and I don't intend to contribute another child to this country of single parents and fatherless children. I believe in the family unit. Mother AND Father, Husband AND Wife. I think it was set up that way for a reason. Seeing stressed out, overworked, and emotionally destroyed single mothers appauls me. But I applaud those that gut it out. That's a VERY tough thing to do, I'm sure.
As far as the V card, I'm not saying I'm completely devoid of any knowledge of the subject or haven't done anything with a woman before, just that that was just one thing I haven't done yet. I've no unrealistic expectations for my first time, but I do want the woman I finally marry to realize I saved it for her. Does that sound corny??
Re: First Love....at 32 larry: I'd be lying if I said it wasn't. Because it is. I'm just worried about not getting the opportunity to have it. I was comfortable with it until SHE virtually destroyed me emotionally. Now I find myself questioning why. Why bother hanging onto it?
Sorry, just being uber negative. Going through a pretty low self esteem phase at the moment.
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