The Evidence.... UGH. Spectrum: Well, I was talking to a friend today, telling her about the funnies Christy posted yesterday.
I mentioned that I would have liked to do something similar with the OW's pictures, but that I had finally deleted them off my computer a few weeks ago.
Then it occurred to me I had black and white hard copies that I printed off way back when.
So..... I went to my stack of personal files in my cubicle at work. I pulled out the unlabeled grey envelope containing all my evidence of his cheating.... And I read her letters to him that I scanned, looked at her pictures.....
Even now seeing those letters and photos brings a cold pit in my stomach. Even now that I'm "over" him, paperwork is signed, and I've mostly made my emotional peace with his cheating.
Just knowing; reading between every word, every line, how convinced this woman was that my (former) husband wanted every inch of her with his whole heart... It makes me hollow and sick, shaky.
Then there is the added knowledge that this shallow shell of a woman could so easily co-opt the one man I truly believed would never want to leave me.... The man who had perhaps physically cheated before, but whose emotional fidelity meant so much more to me.
You see, it wasn't the physical cheating... Perhaps I could have even lived with that (although now I THANK GOD that I didn't go that route), convinced myself that it was still workable.... The emotional cheating, the "affair of the heart," so to speak, was what brought me to my knees.
Knowing what I knew, having read what I read and heard what I heard.... I knew what my only course of action could/should be, knew that I had to leave him. But I did have that one moment, I wavered, my certainty sputtered out... I asked him if he wanted me back. His response? He didn't know. Did he love me? He didn't know.
So he restored my resolve, rebuilt my walls, reaffirmed my decision. Never mind that two days later (and every day since) he has begged me to take him back, begged me to reconsider. In that one moment, the one tiny chance he had, he threw it all away.
And cold pit or no, shakiness and nausea be damned... Those blasted letters and pictures... I silently thank him for setting me free.
Spectrum.
Re:The Evidence.... UGH. Babydoll: The evidence sucks. I find myself not being able to throw it all away or delete those messages from the wh*re. But you are right, you did the right thing, you did what was best for you.
Alot of us have had to make that decision and as the days go by, I'm convinced I made the right choice. No lying down and walking all over me. He did it once and that was enough for me to know what he was capable of.
And while life is still challenging, its a challenge I feel stronger for every day.
Every ugly thing he does, only reaffirms my decision and doensn't that feel good?
You are correct.....and so on the money....he did you a favor and set you free. Now we are free to live our lives the way we deserve.
Re:The Evidence.... UGH. lucyloo: Keep the evidence ladies, it's a reminder of the pain caused and harm done. It's the proof that it really happened, that you didnt over react, and it will reaffirm over and over that you made the right choice.
Everytime I see the broken bathroom door where John punched it, I remember that I'm not exaggerating when I say that I'm lucky to alive.
lucy
Re:The Evidence.... UGH. barelybreathing: I don't really have any physical evidence, other than the phone log, but what I do have is the memory of her voice. Sigh.
When I say that she was truly the devil, I mean it. Her voice was so soft spoken and calm but her words and her delivery were death.
She didn't even flinch to hear me whimper on the line. No real empathy. She just kept repeating all his sweet nothings to her. "He said I am the love of his life". "That he wants to have a baby with me."
She was the anti-christ.
I wonder why they are not together anymore?
BB
Re:The Evidence.... UGH. mv2: Keep it and store it in a place where you can't get it. Then whenever you are feeling like you lost something in your life, take it out to remind you....
What you lost is the equivalent of a piece of sh__ stuck to the bottom of your shoe.
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