How do you know when it's over? JustMe: For me, the line wasn't crossed so much when my sbtx-wife hit me (during a discussion how we could get closer in the marriage), but through the coldness afterwards.
No apologies, she just went shopping. When she came back, I confronted her with "you have no right to lay on hand on me, and I'm scared of what might happen to our future kids". She cooly replied, "if your little feelings are going to get hurt over a little slap, maybe you need to continue with your therapy." Thanks for your lack of consideration, I'm outta here.
I packed and went out to see what she was feeling. In a decent tone, I said "I'm leaving." Her response, "fine bye" and she went outside to water her flowers.
She was in tears the next day because my leaving for more than a night "wasn't what she wanted". Even though she was now interested in going to therapy (after I had been going for 5 months alone and she had been welcome to attend), and wanting to sit down, I had no more heart left to try.
How did you know it was over for you?
Re:How do you know when it's over? Metis: How do you /did you know it was over?
I am still in denial.
He left me over a month ago, and mostly speaks to me at our every once in a while therapy sessions, which he is attending only to separate stuff. He has taken off his wedding ring, and mirthfully announced to all his aquaintances (not our mutual friends, who wouldn't buy it) that "we" "called it quits." (He's left telling the friends to me.)
Like you, when i tried to discuss things with him, the response was a curt, "You are just too sensitive." And yet I still foolishly hope the one I married is in there somewhere.
I wish I could feel it was over, instead of just knowing in my head.
Re:How do you know when it's over? Babydoll: I knew it was over when he didn't come home one night and in the morning I found messages on his voicemail from the wh*re. He walked in the door and I told him to leave. I would have foolishly put up with his alcoholism and even drug addiction--I would have done everything possible to help him overcome that. But he crossed the line when he chose to sleep with an old hag psychotic coke wh*re and betry my trust like that. I don't believe in second chances when it comes to something like that, I can't forgive something like that. I had several opportunities to cheat and the thought never crossed my mind--I always told the guy I was commited to my relationship.
Whatever excuse he had for doing it, in the end he still made that choice and now will have to live with those choices.
Re:How do you know when it's over? justmenow: I knew it was over when after a year of counseling and constant stress and walking on eggshells around each other, oh yeah, and his affair... he left on a business trip one weekend and I have never felt so much relief for him to be away. It was that weekend that it dawned on me that life could actually improve if he weren't around. He had lost hope, I had lost hope, there wasn't anywhere to go. When he got home, I informed him that I was going to file for divorce, not because I wanted to, but because there was nothing left to do. He didn't even put up a fight. He just said "ok" and walked away.
So there it is...nearly 14 years of marriage just over in the blink of an eye without a fight. So sad.
