Family response weird and somewhat angering JustMe: I had made the announcement of problems to my very christian family (Dad and stepmom) about a week ago. Not divorce, but an update of my leaving and what had been happening.
I also have been e-mailing them about my conflicted feelings and asked for their perspective. I also said it was my decision to make, but please share what your perspective is.
Well, after replying that they would read my 4 page e-mail carefully and respond later, their eventual response was a little weird for me.
They basically said they didn't have much to say in the way of support. Huh?
They also said that they didn't want to sway my decision but that they would pray for me. OK.....
And that I should confide with God and He may offer an answer. Umm, my relationship with God is fine. It's through confiding with my parents in that I had hoped would build the relationship as well as get some perspective.
Basically, it felt like a 4 line brush off and cop-out.
So my question is, has anyone felt like their family put religion out there as an excuse not to deal with messy issues or even a person?
I'm *not* looking to start a flame war about spirituality, just wondering if anyone else had experienced families using it to cope in a way that's not very helpful.
Re:Family response weird and somewhat angering justmenow: I can understand both sides here. You are searching for basic support from your family, a family you deem to be "very Christian". You need sympathy, advice, direction, comfort, and stability and they didn't respond as you had expected.
In being a devout Christian myself, I can understand how they are probably searching for answers on how to support you by prayer and probably hope you can seek the solace by doing the same. Maybe they don't know how to respond to you right now. In the Christian faith, one is to put God first above everything else because He guides us in our lives. However, if someone isn't as entrenched in the faith, they may not necessarily feel the same direction, comfort, and stability from God as the ones who are. I struggle with this daily. I want so much to feel the absolute comfort from my God, but I do not. At times I feel abandoned and alone.
It is a difficult spritual quandry, that's for sure. Have you expressed to your parents your basic needs? Yes, what you do with your marriage is your decision and all you can ask for is their prayers, but make it known to them that you also need this other support and you need it really bad and right now.
I'd say I'll pray for you, but that may not be appropriate for this post... (sorry, little humor there) ;)
Re:Family response weird and somewhat angering Sharp: I finally took some time to read this, and I find it quite similar to the strange reaction I get from my family sometimes. My grandma has said "Well it's not as if you were really married anyway." Now, I know she is referring to the fact that we did not get married in the church, or have family involved, but we did INTEND to do that later in a validation ceremony. My family doesn't still get (maybe because they were not a part of it) that I was married, and didn't want to divorce and still in my heart love my ex. But, sometimes, when people can't be completely objective you just have to let it be!
Re:Family response weird and somewhat angering Safetykc: Very wise Sharp...last time I checked...God didn't only listen to prayer only when it is in a church and I am positive the same goes for wedding vows...
Sometimes family can be....family...God love em...better to ignore em and their opinions sometimes...
Hang in there.
Safety
Re:Family response weird and somewhat angering juscuz: This is a tough one. As a person who grew up in a devout Christian home, I understand the complications. Talking with my mom I wanted to hear the *Mom-daughter* advice, but it never came out that way. I was always encouraged to pray, to stand behind the man, to be steadfast, to take it to the Lord and wait. Then I started not talking /discussing things with Mom as I knew the answer already, and it's not what I wanted to hear, then my best friend whom I could share everything, and get an open honest opinion became a born-again Christian, though she listens still, she is on the same path as Mom.
I have my God, and I pray to Him in my way. But when I want advice on a deeper level, I don't expect the religious answers I get and thus I don't tell them anymore.
I am from the new world, the womens lib if you will, and they don't understand that - in a relationship is should be 50/50. They come from a world where mom stayed home, took care of the house, and dad worked and it was enough.
That's not for me though, but that's my choice.
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