What's really going on with him? Baby1234: Well, let's try to make it short...
After 4 years of marriage I asked for divorce (Jan/04) - and he was devastated - but one month later, still living in the same house and without having filed for anything, I truly decided that I wanted to make things work. We spent one night together, dating as for the very first time. He was really afraid, but so much in love... Two days later he told me he didn't want me anymore and I realized he had ALREADY found someone. From that time he started being aggressive, disrespectful... He would come home to change his clothes and leave to the woman's house EVERY NIGHT, and he would even talk to her on the phone regardless if I was around. He filed for divorce within a week, although I asked him to just give some time... but things were confused.
He put our house for sale, but he would say "Our next house will be better". Yes, he would constantly say that one day we would be together again, he just couldn't "trust" my feelings at that time.
I moved out and one week later he decided to keep our house ("I just paint it and change some things and the memories will be gone"), but things became really nasty because he didn't agree to pay my full part in the house - although he had already kept everything from our marriage - and right the way he started taking the girl over there. I didn't want to fight him in court, so I just gave up.
He came to my place a couple of times to bring some papers and "to see the dog". Some times he would say "I'm very happy with my new life". Last time he told me that his entire life is upside down and he "doesn't know what's happening". In fact, he spent all the money he could in those first 3 months and now he in such a debt...
Sometimes I think he was excited about being single and having a new person... Other times I think he wanted to hurt me because I hurt him so much. I don't buy this "trust" kind of thing, because he knows he can trust me.
To this day I really wish he would regret of what he's done, but he acts like nothing has affected him and is doing great with this new person. I just don't know. I'm trying to forgive and forget, but he keeps finding ways to hurt me...
What's really going on with that man? Do you guys think there is any hope or should I just forget it and find someone else?
Thanks a lot for your feedbacks.
Re:What's really going on with him? brokenman: I would have something to say, but why did you ask for a divorce in the first place? That could shed some light on things. Without knowing that, I would not dare guess at his reaction. If he was truly devastated (and I am someone who was devistated) then he probably had to re-evaluate his entire self image. If he reconstructed himself without you in his "new" life then your request for a divorce really shut you out.
But he is probably back because you can never really run from your past. If he is out of money and unable to support his new lifestyle then his natural instinct is to come back to you. If even just for familiarity. And I wouldn't assume he could trust you at all. You may know that you are trustworthy, but it sounds like you shook him up pretty bad. You may be trying to forgive and forget but it doesn't sound like he is at all. I would guess that he is still hurting a lot from your bombshell. The last thing he would want to do is to see that you made him miserable.
Hope is a funny thing. There may be hope and there may not. Sorry, I don't have any answers on that front.
Re:What's really going on with him? Baby1234: Brokenman,
Answering your question, I was no longer satisfied wwith the marriage for lots of reasons, mainly because he had became extremelly self-focused and selfish regarding money. When he started making more $ than me - around two years later - he kept all his extra for himself and his dreams, while "our"dreams were no longer important. He created his own world, I felt abandoned... so I started creating my own dreams which would not include him. I am not from the US and I thought I would be better off going back home for my family and friends, because here I didn't have anyone but him. At first he didn't have anyone either - he's from another state - and we were best friends. But when he started making friends at work, I felt I was left behind. I would ask him to invite them over for dinner or so, but those were "his" buddies and he wouldn't mix it up. Plus, sex life was down - again, I felt l was only worth for that. I started wondering if I indeed loved him as a husband or what. My biggest mistake was that I would assume that he should know my feelings and I wouldn't really talk about them. You know, you keep filling a ballon with water until it sudden explodes? Anyway, you might be right.
