Re:please need her back justmenow: I barely know where to start with this one, there are so many thoughts racing through my head about your post, so I'll begin at the beginning.
1. You are in the desperation phase of the breakup of your marriage. I know this, everybody knows this who has ever gone through the divorce process. In this phase, you would do absolutely ANYTHING to restore your relationship. This is a dangerous part of the grieving process because it's where people do things out of character including stalking and taking their own lives and taking the lives of the ones they love. It is seriously a scary time in your life and you need to be around people who truly care about you right now to nurture you through this. Believe it or not, you WILL survive this but it isn't a pleasant experience by any stretch.
2. You sound like a very emotional person, like me, who speaks out of emotion without consulting the brain first. This tends to happen in stressful situations and you end up saying things you really regret later. At the time you just want to make the other person hurt as much as you are hurting, but the reaction to what you say is rarely what you expect and completely unsatisfying in the end. Am I right? If I am, then your best course of action right now is avoidance. When I stopped the begging and pleading with my ex husband and completely cut contact with him, it was only then that I started to get a grip (and I say that loosely, because my grip is still returning slowly) and realize that, no, I didn't really NEED him to survive. I was a capable human being before he came along and I am a capable human being now, just a little more scarred and bruised. If you limit your face-time with her, you will not have the opportunity to say hurtful things that you will regret later. There is nothing more unattractive to someone that a partner who is clingy and needy.
3. The other stuff you are feeling - crying, not eating, not sleeping, nightmares, desperation - completely normal, especially for the spouse that didn't want the divorce.
4. Get yourself into some sort of support group, because they really do help you to see that you're not the only one going through this and that other people are feeling just like you, if not worse. They offer support groups in churches, community events, park districts, etc. If you can't find one, find a therapist for just you. Friends can only take so much and can't really offer up any good advice to help you heal. You need to get it all out. Cry until you can't cry anymore, talk about your pain until you just don't want to talk about it anymore. The only way to get this emotional poison out of your system is to just open your mouth and let it come pouring out.
I hope that helped. It's early in the morning and I haven't had my caffeine yet. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know what it feels like - been there, done that, bought the T-shirt. Unfortunately I'm still wearing the t-shirt, but it's beginning to fade and not fit so well...
Re:please need her back ksguy28: :-\ Ok so where I need to start is with just avoiding her for now, but this sounds easier then it will be right? Right now I still have to see her cause I have to pay the bills plus she has my german shepard that I raised since a puppy. See I am with the Navy Reserve Unit (K9 Division) yes you would have never thought that a guy like me would just crack like this. Everyone was shocked that this happened. I guess right now I am just way to emotional to even right this email to make sense..... let me wake up from this hellish nightmare and make me whole again.... JUSTMENOW, I keep reading what you have wrote and since you bought the T-Shirt does that mean I own the company??? I will respond to your post later today, I just need to wallow in my self pitty for a little longer, dont worry I have seen and worked suicide cases, this will not work for me cause if I was to do that then she would win.......... She would have her way.... talk later
Re:please need her back justmenow: Limit your visits with her as much as you possibly can, and when you are with her it is BUSINESS ONLY. Yes, it is hard to avoid at the beginning, but gets a little easier.
There is nothing wrong with you. Did you watch the footage of New York City Firemen crying like six year olds after the tragedy of 9/11?? We are human. No stereotypes. You are entitled to grieve the loss of your marriage - it is as traumatic as the death of a spouse. I have said this a million times, but I think the death of a spouse is actually easier because they are just gone. In a divorce you get to endure their "new life" as well... It really royally stinks.
Hey, if you own the t-shirt company, I need a new one... I want this one to say "Yeah, I'm divorced, so what?" I'll need that one in about seven different colors. Thanks.
Re:please need her back amoviefan: I am also new at this. I got dumped the first week of may after our 6 year relationship. I have everything you are talking about. Hurt feelings. I have unbelievable crying jaggs. It just seems like one day he loved me and the next day he didn't and he turned his feelings off toward me like you would turn off a faucet. I feel like I would do anything to get him back and make my life happy again. I have the worst nightmares. I used to have nightmares where he and I would be walking around and he would just dump me. I would wake up crying and he would be there to comfort me and let me know that everything was alright. Now I find I have dreams where we are back together, that we just had a big fight and now it's over and we are great, and THEN I wake up and it hits me that:
A) things suck. He did dump me. He is moving on with his life after only 2 weeks. and,
B)There is no one to f**king comfort me at all.
More crying.
I have days were I don't eat and days where I eat way too much. My doctor has given me sleeping pills. I am a wreck.
So, if this comforts you in any way, I seem to be in the same place you are right now. Heaven help us. In my book, you are a champion and a survivor who has a soul, unlike your X, who seems to be acting like mine.
Re:please need her back seth: To the above post,
Your situation sounds a lot like mine, and I'm in the desperation phase too... I have dreams where I go through an oddysey of things to get her back and at the end of the dream I do get her back, before waking up. The dreams involve either going to her new place or finding her in some bar...
My ex flip-flopped overnight too, or so it seemed. We had just signed a new lease and gotten new appliances that she was agitating for. A week before, she asked me hopefully if I wanted to go to Yoga class w/ her. I said no, I would rather stay home and smoke some pot or read or something... I wish I had said yes, I would like to go! But, if she was going to leave me it was bound to happen. Still, I have these nagging doubts that maybe I could have done something differently just before she left... She said she had decided very recently. In fact, she seemed to have decided only a few days before she left--after a six year relationship and eight-year friendship....
I know it's not true, but it seemed like she decided all of the sudden after telling me she loved me... It was so shocking... Sorry, I forget how to relate this back to the original post.
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