Fatal flaw? ostia:
I'm curious: can you guys put your finger on the one fundamental problem that caused your marriage not to work?
For me, it was that I thought he would change. I loved him very deeply, but I knew from the very beginning that our values and attitudes about finances and lifestyle were very different. I decided to gamble because I loved him so much...I hoped that he would become more responsible and practical as he got older (most people do, right?). But it didn't happen, and eventually the conflict tore us apart. I meant well...I loved him and wanted to be with him...and he meant well too by trying/pretending to play along for as long as he could, but ultimately it just couldn't work.
So that is something that I will never, ever do again...I am operating on the assumption that anyone I get involved with is who he is and will never change in any fundamental way. Never again will I try to change someone...not only is it unfair to the person, it is a recipe for disaster for the relationship.
Anyone else have any thoughts on this?
Re:Fatal flaw? notmyself: the fatal flaw? that i thought i could change him, that i thought he could become the man that i needed... i was obviously wrong. wrong about the whole thing. he never grew up and refused to try. he wanted a mother and i wanted him to need me.... what a recipe for diaster. i know now you can't change someone else, only yourself. ~nms
Re:Fatal flaw? mv2: That she was a selfish, immature person in need of constant attention / approval from men. And that she would do anything - I mean ANYTHING - to get it.
That and a lack of moral character.
Re:Fatal flaw? picadilly: Helio, I'm not sure if this is an old proverb or just from some stand up comic's gig but it's words to live by.
"A man will marry a woman thinking she will never change. A woman will marry a man thinking she can change him"
Looking back on my marriage, I saw nothing that was a deal breaker or anything that would lead to where I am today but obviously she did.
"Before you marry, keep both eyes open. After you marry, close one of them."
Re:Fatal flaw? in_search_of: The one fatal flaw was that I thought he would work for the things that he said that he wanted! And I thought that the things he said that he wanted were really what he wanted...
I thought we had covered everything before we got married...but apparently, covering it and telling the truth are two completely different things!
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