Re:Fatal flaw? barelybreathing: Yeah, most definately, without a doubt, the catalyst of our demise was his "career".
He became obsessed with it. Had tunnel vision over it.
Sure I see my faults and weaknesses too in the marriage, but honestly, I also know full well that my issues were a direct result of his workaholic attitude.
Just the other day, he asked me, "what happened, what on earth happened to us? Why?"
My answer to him, "THIS is what happens when you don't place God and family first in your life."
I see others mentioned this as an issue too. Work should not define a person's being. It's what the do, not what they are.
What they *are* is.....a husband or wife, a father or mother, a brother or sister, an Aunt or Uncle, a friend, a role model, and most importantly, a God fearing creature.
Work and toil is fruitless, without God and family.
So simple really. People spend their whole lives and never figure it out.....
BB
Re:Fatal flaw? jason_stl: I couldn't decide whether or not to post this on regrets or fatal flaws, as it kind of represents both to me.
The one fatal flaw in my marriage, which is also my biggest regret, is falling into a depression. I wish I could have seen what was going on in my relationship at the time, but I just disassociated myself from society at large. I went from being an independent person to a co-dependent hermit, laced with an addiction to an online persona. Eventually I overcame my depression and addiction, but it was too little and too late. Approxiametly 14 months went by before I snapped out of it, and the entire time is all a blur to me.
For her, I don't think she could trust me to not hurt her again after what she had been through. For me, when I found out she had an affair, I could never trust her again - ever. My depression was a catalyst for everything that went wrong in the marriage, yet I know that I would not have cheated on my ex if she were in the same emotional state. I am a better person than that and hold myself to a higher moral standard.
After all was said and done, I am glad to have gone through what I went through. My ex definetly lacked the sort of moral character that I want my children to look up to in their mother.
Re:Fatal flaw? Luv2drive85: Hey Everyone...ok I have to share a piece of conversation that was said about my stbx.....wow! why am I surprised...ok so there's a guy (in his 50's) who in the same field as my stbx husband (in his late 30's)-who also has known my stbx for many, many years (longer than Ive known him).....when this guy was told about us splitting up he said something to the affect of "another one he f**cked up by being the way he is." (my stbx was married before)
Wow, this just reassures me of my decision AND reassures me that HE has issues, not me (I used to think it was me). Its amazing how people start talking once you've made your decision...before I made my decision to leave everyone would just say 'you have to do what makes you happy.' and that would drive me nuts b/c I just wanted the easy way out for someone to decide for me. But NOW that I've left, everyone is supportive and on my side...his own family acknowledges his terrible characteristics and how it can (and did!) ruin a relationship. My biggest fear was that everyone would think Im the bad guy etc.....doesnt seem to be the case. Just wanted to share that. :)
Re:Fatal flaw? PiscesGoddess: :) Your not the bad guy.. and besides the point..who cares what anyone else thinks? Your the one that had to live with the j*rk off and endure his misery.. >:(
But on another note..as for what his co-worker said? It is nice to have a bit of validation isnt it? I had the same thing when I left my jag off ex.. People would say.. LEAVE HIM ALREADY! and then when I did.. I swear I heard a sigh of relief round the world.. LOL... ;D
You are on to much bigger and better things.. Good for you for recognizing that you made the right decision! 8)
HUGS!
Pisces G.
Re:Fatal flaw? justmenow: Ah, the fatal flaw. He was a flirt... simple as that.
I thought I could live with it and I couldn't. Over the years as he flirted with bartenders, waitresses, sales clerks, etc. If it had long legs, and boobs and giggled, he flirted with it. I always felt "not quite good enough" for him, irritated at his constantly diverted attentions, then eventually suspicious (with good reason). As my self-esteem went down, so did the intimacy and sex. Eventually it ended the marriage.
It took me ten months to figure that little gem of wisdom out...
