Re: He Should Have Been Me C-Note: I feel sick to my stomach. I'm not suicidal and I don’t wish to die. At the same time I know someone who no longer has to deal with the thoughts of his mate, the mother of his child leaving him to be with someone else.
Sheyd, Goddess and Michael I’m sorry. It’s wrong, It’s wrong, It’s wrong. But deep down inside for one person I know, this thing is over.
Re: He Should Have Been Me sheydp: [quote author=C-Note link=topic=30500.msg302713#msg302713 date=1151010231">
Sheyd, Goddess and Michael I’m sorry. It’s wrong, It’s wrong, It’s wrong. But deep down inside for one person I know, this thing is over.
[/quote">
Yes, it is over... so is his contribution to his child's life. So is his chance to find a new and greater love. So is his chance to positively impact the lives of others. What a selfish waste.
His child will always wonder about him. Forever wonder if the pain that every human does experience is something that should be experienced. Wonder if it is ok to just be "like Dad" and give up, cause then THEY won't hurt. Leaving behind, as that man did, a ripple effect of people feeling loss and pain - people no one even REALIZED were touched.
There is so much to life AFTER the pain has subsided... and it DOES. Even if we try to hold on to the pain, life is too beautiful to be shut out forever - as long as we are alive. Friends WILL care, yes, they will hurt you sometimes too, but the world is FULL of LOVE. That is worth the pain... even if, in the heart of pain, you can't remember that.
So.... in the heart of pain, when you can't remember beauty and good things and love - remember others. Remember that you would put them through the pain you are feeling, because they have lost you... because they couldn't save you (guilt) and because they didn't realize enough the things they could have done to help... "if only I had...." Don't do that to them. You can live through the pain, so they don't have to, and eventually you will see light again. And HELP YOURSELF to see it - starting with doctors, counselors, prescriptions, and friends.... anything it takes to make the pain easier to bear until you can see straight again. It WILL get better - I PROMISE!
Shey
Re: He Should Have Been Me brokenbaby: All of you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. :'(
I am at the absolute lowest point of my life right now. I am not suicidal however. I know that my letter sounded it. They are feelings I needed to release. I could not take my own life. I don't have it in me. I am in therapy and I am on medication. I am taking actions to heal.
I cannot express my gratitude enough for your outpourinig of support.
I am envious that M.'s pain is gone, that his suffering is no longer. And I would be more apt to think about suicide if this had not happened. Because I would not know the pain I am feeling now. The pain that comes with suicide.
I am frankly surprised that I caused such a stir. I toodle around here and think that people don't really pay attention to my posts. It would appear I was wrong.
Thank you again. Some of you have been there for me countless times and some of you it is the first time and I just hope that I can keep doing the same for you.
Re: He Should Have Been Me sosad05: BB...I can understand your pain. I actually felt suicidal DURING the course of my marriage. But, then there was the new pain of the divorce. The things that kept me from going there were:
1) First and foremost, my children...even if xh was with someone new, they deserved to be raised by their mother. Regardless of the labels he put on me..etc. I couldnt do that to them.
2)Myself....I am sure he has ow thinking I'm a psycho. If I ever tried to hurt myself, that would confirm his lies about me.
He does not deserve my death. I gave him 10 years of my life which was too much.
(((HUGS)))) You have a huge network of people here who care about you.
Re: He Should Have Been Me drowned: You and everyone in here are always in my thoughts!
We all need to stay strong!!!
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