3:00am, I can't sleep! Feel: [color=red"> [/color"> It hurts all over again, right when I honestly thought I was over him or I should say knowing I was able to move on... It got me, bang out of no where or just maybe it's my fault, I allowed him to get the better of me...
My case confrence in court is coming up, maybe he was just being kind and nice because he is affraid I will keep his son from him, maybe he wants me back and he really changed, but how has he changed??? I ask myself how...
Today was pretty bad, I told the NM whom has done nothing wrong to me I need time to sort myself, time to know who I am and not feel tied down, but why did I say this, is it because I had a glimmer of hope with my STBX, YES probably, but I stayed back and put myself out on the ledge for a minute, and before that minute was over BANG, he called and dropped a bomb on me tonight, yelling and swareing...
He had a funeral today it was a lady who owned a bar where he frequented too,(where are problems started) never even told me she passed... he went to the service, I asked what time it was at to attend, he said WHY? no you can't go. WHY can't I go, b/c she's gonna be there!
Yup the OW with her family... She was the bartender, I was the wife, but I was not allowed to go... I hung up on him but before that I said, "Iwasn't put first then, so why now?" HE called back numerous times, I just told him forget it... you will never change... saying he said that b/c I may cause a scene... ( at a place of morning, my GOD I didn't even cause a scene when I found out it was her)
Later that evening I calle dfor him to say goodnight to his son, he was at that bar... the whole feeling in my stomach came back again... I knew it would never work again... but on the phone he was saying I know what it looks like... No he really doesn't... I was driving home from a friends I decided to call him, he was still there... again that same feeling of nauzia came to my stomach and I told him, I told him that I can't try, it wouldn't be right! I don't even have an inclink of trust for him... He said for me to understand that he was only there for the wake... No man, I can't do this again, it was only this time, or jsut this once or I promise , I won't do it again, always something, always an excuse! (would always probably find an excuse again if he came back)... Once off the phone, he called about 10minutes after freaking about me doing this on purpose trying to get him to give in to me... I didn't know what the hell he was talking about... He said he spoke to her, I said who, the NM's wife, why? she said you an dher Ex are up to something... I couldn't take I told him to think what he wanted because for me to ever think that he has changed would was stupid of me... I told him to keep listening to others because of his stupidity this is why he is where he is today! :'( :'(
i just don't want anything but yet I want everything... :'(
Re: 3:00am, I can't sleep! Roseville: Feel,
First of all, in my opinion, you need to keep your contact with him to a minimum, simply concerning your son. If you continue to have this much contact with him, how in the world do you expect to be able to get on with your life?
I know the temptation is great to want & need to talk to this person thata you've built a life with, but unfortutnatly, it sounds like he made his decision a long time ago. You KNOW there is another woman, and you have a new man, so why not give that relationship a chance. As long as you are having this kind of contact and doubts in your mind, your relationship with the new guy doesn't even have a chance.
My recommendation is, don't call him unless it's about your son. If he calls you, don't answer - let it go to voice mail and then you can see if it's really something important regarding your son and make the decision if you need to call him back.
You are torn up over this person, and he knows it. Why give him the ego boost by continuing to be there to play head games with? You deserve better - let go and give your new life a chance. You deserve it, the new man deserves it, and your so deserves it.
Good Luck & Stay Strong,
Jen
Re: 3:00am, I can't sleep! thehitekrednek: Feel Honey, you need to break contact with the x. It's the old "how can I miss you, if you won't go away?" thing. You need to work on you, it takes time to rebuild yourself, and everytime there is contact, you slide back. If you stay in limbo, it will always hurt. I know that he has to see his son, but maybe you should let your son make the phone call, so that you don't have to hear him. I have been down this road, it's hard, but it works. As for the new guy, it sounds as though you are questioning yourself. If he is as sweet, and kind as you say, is it fair to put him through this? I know this sounds like I'm suggesting you stop living, but, it's quite the contrary. I'm saying to start living, for you, take care of you. You are the only person responsible for your happiness. No one else can be responsible for you being happy, because unless you are happy with you, you won't be happy with anyone else.
Re: 3:00am, I can't sleep! Feel: Jlw,
thank you so much for replying... I at work and it looks like a truck hit me to sleep finally I took a sleeping pill.... U can imagine how out of it I am right now...
My son woke up early, he heard my cell phone alaem go off and he took the phone and started to play with it... I went to get his clothes and I heard a voice... I went back to the room, and this is so ironic, he dialed speed dial accidently to his nana, I grabed the phone and said I was so sorry but thomas was playing with the buttons... it was 7:00am... she it's ok, I was awake anyway... She talked to my son for a min and then my son asked for daddy, she wouldn't answer himand then said he's sleeping, so I took the phone and said that he wants to speak to G, is he there? She said no,anywya that ended... So I called his cell phone so my son could speak to him and I told him what happened he said he was at work... I didn't beleive that but I am to exhausted to care, I am hurt and I just want this over with!
Anyway he did speak to his son... but I didn't say much and hung up...
Tomorrow is his over night and he is taking him to the cottage... He is not allowd which I have already mentioned to my lawyer and she didn't say much about it!
Re: 3:00am, I can't sleep! Feel: Spike I hear you...
The thing with the phone call is this... we have a court order for him to call everynight at 8pm... my son hates taking on the phone... unless it's spiderman or he mentions cars or something... My son is only 3...
Anyway I tried every approach and I also went to my Lawyer and told her he takes advantage of this phone call... he will call after 8 and then if I don't answer leaves nasty messages and te arguing starts... He says all kind of things, one day he is great and the next a complete jerk.. (he's jekle and hide) Or maybe Bipolar... no clue... but he drives me banana's.... don't know how to take him.
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