Help me let go buckeye@heart: I've been lurking for a bit and have learned a lot from this board and now I hope that you guys can help me.
I’ve been separated for almost 2 years now and officially divorced for a little less. My ex was a jerk, we were married for a little less than 3 years. While going though our divorce he became an even bigger jerk. He kept things that were mine, took things that were mine, wouldn’t help pay any of the attorney fees, treated me like I was a sub-human, I could go on and on, but I won’t. I wanted out, so I sucked it up, paid the attorney myself and walked away from thousands of dollars I had invested in our home. I haven’t seen or talked to him since the divorce.
So, fast forward to two months ago, I was cleaning through some stuff and found something that his grandfather had made him. This was a large object that I couldn’t mail to him. Me being the sucker that I am, I called him and left him a message asking him if he wanted it, it took several phone calls for him to decide that he did, we only communicated through voice mail, by my choice. We meet at the appointed time and place and I give it to him. He hands me a two page letter saying how sorry he was for everything he did, how much he misses me, and how much his current life sucks. I’ve moved on, I’m happy, met a wonderful man, etc. The only reminders I have of my marriage is the debt that I carry. There is a huge part of me that wants to tell him if he is so sorry and wants to make it up to me that he can do so by paying me some of my money. Now, I know that it could go either way, he could say that he was right all along before and that I am the “b*tch” that he thought I was or he could write me a check. If he was a decent human being, which I know now that he’s not, he would write the check, so if nothing else he could feel slightly better about himself.
Has anyone ever contacted their ex after they wrote you such a letter, if so what happened? I haven’t made any effort to contact him after this letter. I am so sick of being in debt and the money of “mine” that he has would really help me out. I also don’t want him to think I ‘m crying poor me, I think that my being happy is worth something.
So, help me to let go!
Re: Help me let go confused101: It's only money. If my ex came up to me 2 years later without contact and said I owed her money, I'd laugh at her.
Re: Help me let go ih8BeinAlone: i'd 2nd confused on this one. no way in hell after 2 years of no contact would i just randomly write a check!
Re: Help me let go Feel: It takes minutes to spend and hours to make it...
My debts are a lot of my legal fees, which here in toronto, don't come small..
If you are over him and don't want to rehach any of the pain, please move on, just don't bother, he will find away to leech on to you and then your back to hurting the same way again!
You can make the money and slowly pay it down... You can't possibly be more in debt than I am.... I have a child and get only an 400.00 from my x... I pay rent and lease a car... I know it's hard... don't bother with it, just help yourself!
Re: Help me let go timetobefree: Since your ex is the one that approached you for forgiveness, I think it's completely reasonable to say to him, "Part of my anger towards you stems from the financial mess you left me in. The only way I will get past that anger is for you to right some of the wrong you have done by helping me out of the mess."
Now while I think it's perfectly reasonable to say this to him, since he's the one who's started this whole 'conversation', I also don't think you should hang any hope on him actually giving it to you. He's probably not going to give you anything.
How do you move on? You really have to let go of the money issue. I know it sucks, you got the short end of the stick, but that's life. Karma will get him...in fact, it sounds like it has. He's miserable now.
Good luck,
Amy
PS--Confused and Ih8, did you read her post? She is not contacting him...he's the one who asked her for her forgiveness...she's not contacting him out of the blue asking for money.
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