Re: left out Chey: I actually have a "friend" just like that LT. Means well but everything revolves around her...and I never have told her that she pisses me off.
Example....she flew over to England to attend my wedding, and insisted I spend the day before my wedding driving her all over Oxford looking for a dress for HER wedding. At the time she didn't even have a boyfriend nevermind a wedding date! And did I say NO!?? Na ah
Then she says "you're SO lucky you're the size you are. At least you have very specific things that fit you...being as petite as I am I find I'm so limited". Nice...I was a size 14 for crying out loud and did NOT need to hear that the day before I was getting married.
I've since returned to Toronto and have done a HUGE spring cleaning in my life of people who are unhealthy for me. Her included. But not before I sat her down for a VERY long heart to heart. Boy did it feel good.
Re: left out eeyore0512: well I called my friends, and asked why I didn't get to go along. They said they didn't really have a lot of extra room. I told them I understand that, but they should have told me the truth, not told me it was completely cancelled, or they could have even given me the option of driving my own car there.
One of my friends says she's afraid I'd feel like a third wheel. I told her that I only feel that way when I'm left out or ignored when I am included. I told her that when all they talk about is their kids, husbands, and sex life, I have nothing to pitch in, so I stay quiet. I told her that sometimes I don't mind hearing about that stuff, but sometimes just to talk about something that I can pitch in as well.
I let them all know that I was hurt and disappointed. I mean, I have to deal with my ex husband's betrayal, and the emotional scars from his bull$hit. I shouldn't have to deal with even more betrayal and pain. I'm trying to heal for crying out loud!
Re: left out LostTeacher: just curious how they reacted to your honesty.
i am proud of you for pointing that out. i have only had the guts to say that to a very few select people.
i think that it's important for others to see that we only think that we are third wheels when they think that too. if they just invite us along, and treat us like a person, then we have just a fine time. if they invite us, and then proceed to ignore us, or talk only of kids/husbands/married life, then of course we are going to clam up, feel left out, and feel like a third wheel.
we are divorced....we don't have an incurable disease!!! just remember that you are our friends....then things will be fine!!
LT
Re: left out eeyore0512: I agree LT. We don't have a disease, we're just divorced.
My friends were surprised I stuck up for myself. In the past, I never did. I always have been quiet and shy, and always let people walk all over me. My ex did...a lot. In fact..he was downright cruel. He laughed the day I lost our baby.
I told my friends some of the cruel and mean spirited things he did. Because of him I realized, no one else is going to stick up for me, so I have to do it myself. If that makes me a b!tch, than so be it.
Re: left out LostTeacher: i totally don't think that makes you a bitch. i think that you did the right thing, sticking up for yourself. i don't think that some of these people realize how much they hurt us, because we have become masters of hiding our feelings. believe me, i do it better than anyone. i don't think there is anyone that really knows how much i still think about him, or how sad i still am. i put on a face, and let that face be the one seen.
i think you did a great job. way to go, telling them how they made you feel. sometimes that's all you can do.
LT
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