Re:Just when you think you're free.... brokenman: Sounds like you were set up for the "have my cake and eat it too" scenario. I think the only mistake in your post was to let him come back. I think that if you are going to work on your marriage he needs to be out of your place and away from the OW. It was hard for me to demand that my ex get her things out of the house, but she went immediately to the OM. That speaks volumes. She was equally upset when I stopped crying and pleading for her to stay. The look of shock on her face was priceless and I bet she is still stunned by it in some ways.
I was told that the first step any counselor would require is that contact with the third party is stopped. Nothing will succeed as long as that relationship continues. And I personally think that living together through the process confuses the issues too much. I think the separation gives great perspective. Like you said, you expected to miss him, but you didn't. ( Oh, you would eventually, but your gut was telling you something. )
I hope you get through these times as easily as possible, but regardless, you WILL get through them. Just look out for yourself at all times. If he is going to have his fork-toy, you cannot be his comfort-toy. But you knew that didn't you? :)
Re:Just when you think you're free.... justmenow: [quote"> She was equally upset when I stopped crying and pleading for her to stay.[/quote">
Ha ha...isn't that the truth. Suddenly there is a power shift when you stop begging them to stay. While you are desperate, they are in control. When you turn your back, YOU are in control and it doesn't feel so good for them because they have lost importance. This is the key to independence.
