Re: WHY sneaker: Candi, I'm so sorry!!!!!
We know how it feels. And they're right, the one who leaves often act indifferent, cold, alomost angry. That helps them going through with their decision. And I know it just adds to the pain of the breakup. It would feel better if you could sense a little compassion after what you lived together. But it can take a little while before that happens.
The pain is the hardest thing to overcome, but you will! Most of us here are dealing with this, so let your feelings out. That helps.
You have to hang on!
Re: WHY drowned: I would have to disagree the the one who "left" has it easier. I have heard from several people with a degree in psychology that they are on an emotional "high" for awhile after they leave. Reality will slap anyone in the face no matter who left. It has been said no matter what kind of person he/she is it's just a matter of time before they get off that emotional high and the demons surface. Take it for what I am saying, noone forgets nor can move on immediately. The "leave" will suffer from guilt, regret, and most importantly they didn't even bother fighting for their marriage.....just gave up. That will eat a soul up for a looooong time, I don't car who you are. Haunting memories surface of the "good" things when they find out grass is not all that greenier on the other side because no matter what characteristics a person has that may be good.....there is always bad as well. Nobody is perfect and all leavers will one day figure out.......you know I had this at one time and pissed it away for what exactly......by then you will be on your emotional high!!
DONT GIVE UP!!
We are here for you!
Re: WHY broken_saint: candi,
i am so sorry that you are going through this right now. i myself am dealing with what you are going through as well. i was completely devastated to the point that i thought it would never ever get better. the love we have for our partners is so strong and when they just "up and leave" without a valid reason, it hurts us beyond anything anyone can comprehend. it's been a bit over 3 months for me that i have not heard anything from my x and although it is still fresh and painful at times to me, it did get better with the time that has passed.
mistakes you should avoid doing:
my advice to you since this just happened to you is to NOT let him see you cry, upset in any way, angry, do not beg, do not question him or ask why, any emotions that surface in his presence will ONLY feed into his "empowerment" over you and will only push him further from you. just try not to say much and by all means do not let him see you cry.
i guarentee that he will be contacting you again out of guilt and he will do things to mess with you to make him feel guilt free. you will not see anyone anymore selfish than him at this time. do not play into it and dont let him get you angry. i have to agree with drowned, he will regret what he's done one day. he will find himself alone and heartbroken and when he does, the reality that he ignored will smack him in the face and i guarentee by that time, you will be a much better person than he is.
remind yourself:
this is his doing, this is what he wanted, he ended this relationship. he is putting you through hell while he's out doing his thing. and most importantly, you do not deserve this no matter what.
you are better than this and do not let him hurt you anymore. you are and will be much stronger soon. you are the light and there is no dark hole that surrounds you.
so candi, please, please please keep posting... we are all hurting just as bad and we are all here for each other. this place have saved me, it's probably a ridiculous thing to say that a website saved your life, but to me, it means much more. it really has saved me and i'm glad that i've found a home here.
welcome to ojar
Re: WHY Feel: Candi
my pain has been an uphill battle for more than 2 years and I am still hurting... You will get through, stay away and keep yourself busy... I have asked why many times and I still can't have an answer!
[quote author=drowned link=topic=30591.msg306081#msg306081 date=1151512010">
I would have to disagree the the one who "left" has it easier. I have heard from several people with a degree in psychology that they are on an emotional "high" for awhile after they leave. Reality will slap anyone in the face no matter who left. It has been said no matter what kind of person he/she is it's just a matter of time before they get off that emotional high and the demons surface. Take it for what I am saying, noone forgets nor can move on immediately. The "leave" will suffer from guilt, regret, and most importantly they didn't even bother fighting for their marriage.....just gave up. That will eat a soul up for a looooong time, I don't car who you are. Haunting memories surface of the "good" things when they find out grass is not all that greenier on the other side because no matter what characteristics a person has that may be good.....there is always bad as well. Nobody is perfect and all leavers will one day figure out.......you know I had this at one time and pissed it away for what exactly......by then you will be on your emotional high!!
DONT GIVE UP!!
We are here for you!
[/quote">
Drowned, I have a lot of faith in what you have written....
Keep strong, we all help here at Ojar
Re: WHY snkpack: I've come to accept that I'll never truly know the why behind my situation. I just can't understand the why.
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