Falling apart Sman: I am such a wreck right now, I can't stop crying b/c I am slowly learning that my life with the woman I love is going to be over. And even though our divorce is in the earliest of stages and I thought that maybe there was hope, she tells me that it is over between us, I can't even see her to do things once in a while. Its like she has taken a knife and cut my heart out completely and yet she feels no pain or hurt. All I want to do is lay down and cry my eyes out. What makes it even worse for me is when I try to do small nice things for her or try to get together for Monday (Mem Day) with our friends she doesn't want me there, even though I know she will be doing things with them and I will be left out in the cold all by myself. I HATE this feeling!!!! I hate everything right now. All I do is cling to the hope that maybe one day my life will get better. Hope that we can be back together, as I love her dearly and would do anything for her! I just can't believe everything that is happening. I wish things never were and that we could be a couple again.
Re:Falling apart in_search_of: I am so sorry that you are here, but please feel free to ask for any support that you need, we have all been there, and we are here to help you as best we can!
Re:Falling apart justmenow: Hang in there. This does pass, bit in my opinion, the denial/desperation phase is the absolute worst part of the grieving process. It is when you feel the most hopeless and would literally do ANYTHING to get the other person back.
What you need to do is make other plans for Monday. It doesn't matter what they are - even if it includes going off by yourself and crying all day. However, I recommend maybe finding another friend or some family to hang out with (if that's available to you). I wish I could tell you some magic formula that will help, but unfortunately it just takes time.
I will tell you what shortens the length of this stage, though - distance. Physical and emotional distance will help launch you into your new reality and get used to being without her. Think of it as emotional detox. Drug addicts go through absolute Hell the first couple of days/weeks without their drug and they would do ANYTHING to have it again. However, after they have been without it for a while they find they don't need it as much anymore.
Hang in there, my friend. You will survive this.
Re:Falling apart ostia: Oh, Sman, I know exactly how you feel-I remember it all too well from my own experience-and I'm so sorry you're going through what you're going through. All I can tell you (as useless as it porbably is to hear this right now) is that you will feel better someday, and you may even eventually decide that it was all for the best.
Last year at this time I was absolutely wretched...I thought I literally couldn't live without my X, that my whole world had caved in, and that I'd be alone and miserable for the rest of my life. I cried all the time, couldn't eat, woke up every day at dawn in a panic. But things gradually got better, and it was the moment when I knew that it was over with my X, painful as that moment was, when things slowly started to turn around for me. The finality made me able to move on, which is what I needed to do to heal....and perhaps the finality of your situation will allow you to move on, too.
If it helps at all to hear this, I'm doing well now, a year later...in fact, I'm happier than I have been in years. I still feel hurt and angry over what happened between my X and me, but it doesn't preoccupy me anymore. I hope you can have faith that things will get better for you, too. Just rememebr that you're not alone.
Re:Falling apart green: S Man:
I know exactly how you feel. I went through the exact same thing. I am here to let you know you WILL recover, but it won't be on the timetable you would like.
I was married for 23 years. She was the love of my life. Maybe I took her for granted, I don't know, but she choose to move out and live with another man. She left me with four children, and I bought her out of the house.
All of this happened a little more than a year ago. I lost 40 pounds. I woke up every morning and threw up. I could not work, and when I got home I curled up in bed and did not get out. That lasted for months. I wished somehow things would change and she would come back to me. I pleaded. I begged. That only pushed her further away from me.
I could not accept what was happening to me. I lost my will to live. I think my faith helped me to carry me though. It was very tough. I knew that I would probably die in a few months if I kept going as I was, because I could not eat (this would last days, and I couldn't even force myself to eat). I was getting pale and on the road to self-destruction.
So I put my mind to work. I tried to accept that she is never coming back. Once I got past that point, I got up enough courage to start dating again (weird after not dating for such a long time). I dated more than 2 dozen women. Then in December I found the woman of my dreams. We really hit it off. We are engaged to be married and I am happy once again. Someone cares for me, and I her.
I did not think that things would change, but I took matters into my own hands to help make me happy. Talking to people helps, but in the final ru n, only you can effect change.
I hope this helps. There is light at the end of the tunnel. I was where you are (worse, actually). You can do it. Keep positive, and turn to faith if you have that.
Click More for the next page.
