Re:Falling apart seth: I know exactly how you feel. It's been seven and a half weeks since my ex left me after six years of living together and an eight-year friendship.
I am amazed that right now I am not even crying every day anymore. I have good days and I have bad days. (I was a little sad today when I got a notice from court about the temporary restraining order, however--which is undeserved)...
Let me tell you about Memorial Day--it's even worse for me. Memorial Day was our unofficial 6th anniversary, marking the best day of my life. Six years ago Monday, this woman who was my best friend friend for two years and whom I loved surprised me by kissing me and then before we knew it we were having wild drunken sex behind an elementary school... I still have the pair of sunglasses I broke then, which I kept as a momento...
So this will be a very sad Memorial Day for me too. I too feel like a loser b/c she got the friends (I guess she's cooler than me or something) and I'll probably be doing nothing that day... Do you ever make things up? I've been just making up stories when people ask me about my plans for the weekend and my new boss (she left me one week before I started a new job) seems to think I have a girlfriend--guess I've been telling some whoppers...
Anyway, if no one is hanging out w/ me on Monday I'm going to get out of the house and go shopping or to a bookstore or something and do my absolute best not to get drunk alone. I'd advise you to do the same.
Re:Falling apart doinggood: I was married for 5 years, and we dated for 8 years before getting married. I've been officially divorced for a little over 2 months, but separated over 2 years ago. My ex decided to take a job overseas. When I was supposed to go with him permanently 2 years ago, he started making excuses. So, I separated from him, and 6 months ago, I started the divorce. I can't say that I'm always 100 percent. I have days when I can't stop crying and then there are days when I don't want to eat. But I exercise regularly (doctor's orders), so I make myself eat regular normal healthy meals.
Professionally, where can I begin? My ex always took care of me financially, so I've decided to take the money from my settlement and go back to college to study engineering. I have never held a job (always been the consummate homemaker and kiss-his-butt wife), so I thought why not go back to school and finish the degree? I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
A very close friend of mine told me once that I am crying not because I miss or love my ex anymore. It's because I miss what could have been. I think he's absolutely right. I try not to think about what could have been if my ex had not taken that job overseas, if I had been more persistent about going with him overseas, etc.
I am not keeping any momentos from my marriage. Sure, I have my living room furniture, kitchen stuff, and some electronics. But the other momentos, I gave to my ex. I even let him keep all of the wedding photos, wedding china, and rings. I let him keep everything he wanted. I didn't fight him on anything. It's all material stuff, and I've learned over the past 6 months especially that material stuff isn't important in the grand scheme of things. The memories mean more to me than anything. Can't put a price tag on that.
I have made wonderful friends in the past 6 months, who are very supportive. I know that my ex has moved on and is dating. I'm trying to do the same. I don't want to live in the past, and my friends call and email me to make sure I'm alright Of course, I had friends from before, but only a handful stuck around when the going got tough. As the saying goes, when the going gets tough, the tough get going. Very true. Most of my friends from before were my ex's friends too, and they sided with him. I don't blame them. I hope they get to know the person that I have become once I'm past this moody phase.
Making friends is a job in itself. I made myself go out and make friends. I networked. You can't stand on a street corner and expect people to come up to you and be friends with you.
I also stopped drinking. I have decided not to drink for a year. I know the pitfalls of drinking when going through a traumatic or difficult period in life. I went through a very traumatic experience right before I met my ex, and I was a mess. Besides, exercise and alcohol don't mix very well. I think exercise has helped to keep me on a schedule. I know that I have to do cardio and strength training so many days a week, so I have consistency in my life. I mean, school provides a lot of consistency and keeps me busy too. But exercise and diet make me feel healthy.
So, don't feel like a loser. You shouldn't. I'm a little loser in a way, never having held a job and being in my 30s and going back to school at my age. My ex has taken so much from me, but I know that he can't take that degree from me (once I get it!).
You will feel better, little by little. I'm not quite 100 percent, but I'm getting there. I can tell. I have those moments when I go, oh god, what have I done? Who in the world do I think I am, thinking that I can make it on my own, go to school in my 30s? I must be going crazy. I have those moments where I feel like there's something stuck in my throat and everything tastes bland. But compared to 2 months ago, they're not as many as now. So, like someone else wrote, there is light at the end of the tunnel, and you will be ok. And most importantly, there are other crazy smart divorcees like myself in the same boat! We all feel the same. You really are not alone. We never are.
