Re:any regrets picadilly: Hey, Christy, dead on there. My stbx expected that if she was unhappy internally, then as a soul mate, I should have known it. Even though she never gave much outword appearance of being unhappy with how things were going. Her interpritaion was that if I was the "one" for her I should have known she was unhappy & fixed "it". Ya, ok then.
My regret, not doing the little things I think now that I should have done. More times cleaning up, more times cooking, more romantic evenings... just more, I know better now. She told me once she had no regrets with our relationship, I told her I had many. Such as life I guess.
Re:any regrets lucyloo: Well, my regret is much like Medusa's when she said "My regret is that I didn't pay attention to my gut feelings and avoid the relationship at the beginning (per my stomach) or get out of it much, much earlier."
Different situaiton, but....
I think in other ways, I did my part, maybe more, in working dilligently and committedly in my marriage.
I allowed too much that wasn't acceptable to me tho. Actually, that is wrong. I DID my part there too, he just ignored the limits I set, or made me feel badly for having them, so then I would reevaluate- which goes back to paying attention to my gut. It's wrong to ask someone to reevaluate their personal limits and compromise themselves.
Anyway, Not sure if this is what you meant, but I know I couldn't have tried harder.
On the other hand, I am sure he regrets not trying harder.
Lucy
Re:any regrets JustMe: [quote author=lucyloo link=board=1;threadid=3078;start=0#msg24942 date=1086037017">
Well, my regret is much like Medusa's when she said "My regret is that I didn't pay attention to my gut feelings and avoid the relationship at the beginning (per my stomach) or get out of it much, much earlier."
Different situaiton, but....
I think in other ways, I did my part, maybe more, in working dilligently and committedly in my marriage.
I allowed too much that wasn't acceptable to me tho. Actually, that is wrong. I DID my part there too, he just ignored the limits I set, or made me feel badly for having them, so then I would reevaluate- which goes back to paying attention to my gut. It's wrong to ask someone to reevaluate their personal limits and compromise themselves.
Anyway, Not sure if this is what you meant, but I know I couldn't have tried harder.
On the other hand, I am sure he regrets not trying harder.
Lucy
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My experience is similar to this as well. I made trying to make the marriage work basically more important than anything else, including my own needs.
I think everyone makes short term compromises that are really unacceptable sacrifices when you look at them later.
But I know I couldn't have tried harder. Or as humbly as I can put it, if *any* of my interactions in working through the hot issues were on the evening news, I'd be proud. In other words, I had given what felt like the best of me, relentlessly and lovingly. No matter how tired, hungry, sleep deprived, distracted, annoyed, intolerant, impatience, scared, angry, or sad I felt. Sometimes, I'd feel this way due to her abusive ways but there's was *always* a way to keep things construtive without escalating the conflict.
But fate is a funny thing. Despite my best, my story still has an unhappy ending.
Re:any regrets JustMe: [quote author=totallyclueless link=board=1;threadid=3078;start=0#msg24846 date=1085725466">
ok ok i know what u guys are going to say....don't think about what might have been.
but for those of us with regrets why not voice them here for the purpose of having intelligent people tell you that they are mostly unfounded?
mine is that i didn't give her the romance she needed...
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Hmm, I consider myself intelligent (published author with two best sellers) and I won't tell you feeling regretful is unfounded.
I think it's human. I think it's noble. Lots of people are walking around with no awareness of how their actions have brought their relationship to where it is. They are probably doomed to repeat their mistakes.
At least you're willing to look at how you contributed to the relationship.
Just make sure you don't beat yourself up with too "what ifs" (what if I bought those flowers, etc).
If you're having a real hard time with this and are afraid of making the same mistakes, I'd recommend a professional - therapist, minister, experienced friend. They can help you learn alot about your self and why you do what you do.
This way you can be aware of any fundamental issues that may have been going on in your marriage, and work on that if you so chose.
Re:any regrets Bubba: I was sleeping with 4 other women when I meet my wife. My regret now is not deciding to stay with one of the others!
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