How much time? atalose: Time is ticking slowly foward
and today is almost over,
Yesterday became today
and tomorrow is on it's way
Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock,
With every minute of the clock
brings me closer
to another tomorrow
Just another day
Filled with sorrow.
Just the other day I felt that I could survive that in some way, some how everything will be okay. Why then today do I feel as if I can't make it even through today? How I ache and want to understand. Last night as I layed alone in bed I thought of all the things we've both said, it was just on Valentines day that he bought me flowers and a card which he wrote in "That he will Love Me Always" and that "There will be many more Valentines days to come for us".
Then just a short 5 weeks later he tells me he wants a divorce. How am I to understand? I love him so much but so much has changed also, the time has come to move forward and not to look back because so much is lost to us and could never be regained. I ache for what was and what should of been.
Now I dont know how to react to the divorce. I hear so much advice from well-meaning friends and family but I'm still not sure how this should all end. He wants me to be agreeable and have things end smoothly between us I also would like this because I dont want to hurt anymore, and because I love him so. I want him to know that I love him and that I dont want to argue, I feel the only way to accomplish this to take what-ever he offers and simply walk away. Self-pity can be destructive.
Has anyone walked away feeling that if your spouse doesnt want you then fine so-be-it, give me what you will, that your spouse will have have regrets ending your marriage and that they will regret their treatment of you during the process of divorce but in reality you were the one that ended up having regrets and wished you had done things differently?
Either way walking away feeling satisfied with the results of the divorce or not your still gonna hurt, but trying to be agreeable does it make it easier in the end?
I'm so hurt and confused and I dont know how to feel, whats right or wrong morally or legally. I'm not the one who wanted this divorce so should I worry so much on how things are gonna end?
Does anyone hear me,my pain or even understand?
Re:How much time? Juice: atalose,
I know and understand your pain. I am very close to fending my marriage because of my husbands betrayal. Some days I am ok, I think I can keep going.. then other days I don't even know which way is up.
Please take care of yourself. If he wants a divorce and is determined to do it, he will. Just because he wants you to be agreeable does not mean the same thing as things going smoothly. Don't just take what he offers! I am not advocating that you be unfair but make sure that you get the things you want and need to build a new life.
And yes, it is going to hurt, but it will hurt less and less. When you feel badly just log on. There are so many people out there that are hurting just like you and just typing it out helps get it out there.
Re:How much time? seth: Hey, I know how you feel about Valentines Day.
It wasn't that long ago and I still have the STarbucks card my ex-girl bought me... Seemed like she loved me then. Just don't get it. "I've been thinking about this for years," she said. But then she says she just decided very recently, like three days before she left.
Isn't that weird how things change so quickly?
Re:How much time? incoherentlonghorn: Hey atalose,
It astounds me how one day or realistically one second I was perfectly alright with the fact that I was getting a divorce and slam the next second I was at a complete loss. I particularly missed the chance of living out all of the dreams or future that I had envisioned us living together. But like Juice said, the pain fades with time in frequency and severity.
I personally think that an amicable separation of finances is the best alternative, but that does not mean you accept his first offer. You first have to see what he is wanting and willing to offer.
From listening to stories on OJAR I have heard stories of people complying with their s2bx's requests just to end the marriage and to regain their freedom. On the other hand some have had a really difficult time agreeing with their ex's. I think that it depends on the ex and how complicated circumstances are. I've been trying to work out the kinks for almost five months in court, ect.
I wish I could change a couple of decisions I made and know some who agreed early on who also are a little unhappy with their decision. So in the end, there is probable not a perfect dissolution and watch out for yourself first in the most cooperative way possible.
You know for yourself what is right/wrong morally and what actions you want to live with. There is also no such thing as fair. But the pain is present and it will fade, slowly but surely for most...
Hang in there,
LL
Re:How much time? ChrisM: "It astounds me how one day or realistically one second I was perfectly alright with the fact that I was getting a divorce and slam the next second I was at a complete loss."
DITTO
Just today I felt like it was going to be a good day. I started listening to music and was working around the house. Then I put on some comedy stuff, and felt guilty for being in a good mood and generally happy. I don't get it.
Maybe I'm not supposed to get it, you know. Maybe it isn't supposed to make any sense.
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