last fling good idea?...HELP! overseas: I'm all set on the divorce, living overseas, started new relationship, husband is also in new relationship. I told him quite firmly about 2 weeks ago that I want a divorce, and he seems to want it some days and not others. I've been living overseas for the past 9 months, so we really miss each other but have drifted apart. We even have begun new relationships since the whole divorce reality has set in.
Then my husband and I just had a very intense talk, very open, telling all about what we've been doing, our long tale, how it's all going, how it couldn't work.
Then, subtly, we began saying loving words, and I think it may have been a regression. This has happened at least 5 times already in the past....he's a great charmer, I feel great when he's romancing me, then we're together and he forgets all that, we fight a ton, have practically no shared interests, we have all kinds of problems, then we are at the point of breaking up--usually as I'm walking out the door-- and he puts on the charm again. We have been going through this routine since we have both been 16 years old, and we are both 29 now!!! We've been married almost 5 years now. I am truly tired of it, but hearing those reassurnig, caring words was kind of nice! It did help beat the feelings of loneliness, sadness, abandonment, etc. that we were dealing with. And I even showed him some skin thru the webcam! Well, OK, I showed him a LOT of skin!! :o
So he proposed taking a trip somewhere, just the two of us, to basically make love madly to one another, with no commitment afterwards. It would be like a last fling. I'm really afraid that it would be so good that we would either get back together and fall into that nasty pattern again (people don't change their ways, that much I have learned by now). I'm dreading a moment where we part with the thought of never being together again. He was originally planning to come here, but I cancelled the trip, wanting to keep the distance for the divorce to settle in for real. When he's around, I have a really hard time resisting his Mr. Suave moves! Part of the reason of me moving overseas was to be more able to think clearly and create the distance I thought we needed to actually end the marriage for good. Plus, our careers our taking us in opposite directions...I only want to live outside the USA, he only wants to live inside the USA!
I still have a year ileft in my overseas contract, and he doesn't want to move to Africa, where I live. He wants me back now it seems, and we are still very physically attracted to one another....I just don't know if this is a good idea. My head says NO WAY, my heart says, HEY, MAYBE, WHAT THE HECK. Another thing is, I have a dear male friend who I've started communicating with intensively over the web, and I'm afraid I might lose out on a possibly very good relationship with this guy in the future if I do this last fling idea. Oh, what to do?????
Re:last fling good idea?...HELP! birthday_boy: You have the possibility of a good future with Mr. New Guy. Possibility. Don't poison it with baggage from the relationship you're leaving behind.
Leave it behind. It will hurt. You'll feel pain. But go. In a few months, you'll be fine. You've already played that one through and it didn't work out.
And, the regret of wondering what could have been will stick with you longer than any comfort you'll get from one last fling. That is if it causes you to miss an opportunity for a new and healthy relationship.
Move on.
I vote for the new guy.
-Birthday Boy
