Re: seperated confused1: i've never waivered from wanting this marriage to be successful..and i don't know with 100% certainty that counseling will work...But what I do know is that it will NOT be successful without it.
Re: seperated notmyself: nothing is certain. counselling is not a guarantee that it will all work out, but it would show that the both of you are committed to making it work and i think that means something. only give an ultimatum if you are prepared to hear either answer. don't go into it with a false hope that it will push her into giving you the answer that you want.
Re: seperated achingallover: Well, confused, for me, even after all the crap and horrible things that my stbx has said and done to me - if he came to me today and said he wanted me back, I'd go for it, but with conditions. For us, we can't do it without a therapist. He was under the same illusion that "it should just happen...we should just be able to make it happen ourselves". That, to me, makes no sense. If we COULD make it happen, don't you think we WOULD be making it happen right now?! I mean, in my eyes, us getting back together would be like us trying to make a beautiful, gorgous chocolate souffle, without a recipe! Ya, know? It's like, we've done what we know how to do, but it hasn't worked. So, now, it's time to get some help. I personally don't understand how someone can say they are committed to change without getting help from outside on how to make those changes. When things are wrong, they are wrong for a reason and thus far, no one has been able to figure out how to make them right!
Anywho, that's just my 2 cents worth. I can't tell you what to do here, nor do I want to. It is ultimately your decision becuase you are owner and CEO of you! Whatever you end up choosing will be the perfect thing for you - trust yourself on that. Trust yourself in general!
I know it's hard and painful and confusing. Be true to yourself - listen to what YOU really want here.
Take care of yourself.
hugs-
Steph
Re: seperated confused1:
[quote">
If we COULD make it happen, don't you think we WOULD be making it happen right now?! I mean, in my eyes, us getting back together would be like us trying to make a beautiful, gorgous chocolate souffle, without a recipe! Ya, know? It's like, we've done what we know how to do, but it hasn't worked. So, now, it's time to get some help. I personally don't understand how someone can say they are committed to change without getting help from outside on how to make those changes. When things are wrong, they are wrong for a reason and thus far, no one has been able to figure out how to make them right!
[/quote">
Wow!! I have said these EXACT same words to her SO MANY times!!!(except for the souffle part- :) )
without taking 'outside action', i believe you are doomed to repeat the distructive behavior!
Re: seperated achingallover: You sound pretty clear to me as to where you stand on this! ;)
