weird feeling.. Bird:
i was walking down by the canal this evening - gorgeous weather and lapping it up and it was really weird, i realised that i wasn't thinking about my H...and then i got this huge adrenaline rush at the realisation that i was actually enjoying my walk and the new exciting opportunities ahead in my life and not thinking about him or missing him. and even when i started thinking about then, i didn't actually miss him...like really miss him. my head usually kicks in and tells my heart that i'm better off without him. but this time, my heart didn't even feel that somersault that i had been getting...
i came home and then changed all my email passwords and bank passwords so he can't access them anymore (if he was...), and i realise that i am in a small way without even realising it detaching myself from him.
it's only been two weeks since we actually physically separated and only 5 days since I told him that I didn't want to communicate with him for a while...and i realise that i'm actually ok.
does this mean that even though i told him i wanted to work at it, that maybe actually deep down i really don't?? weird, eh?
Re: weird feeling.. snkpack: I think the emotional side of you will always have moments when you remember and want to try and make it work, but I think your head knows this is for the best. There will be varying times when your emotions may reign and then other times when your head is in control. Right now, I think you know what's best for you personally and that's not to take second fiddle to his confusion and uncertainty. We all want to feel wanted. His ambivalence has made you question your value to him. Its logical that you would want to be with someone who won't take you for granted.
There will be times later on when you will perhaps feel that twinge of pain again. Right now, you're doing what needs to be done and feeling good about it. Tomorrow you may not feel so good, tomorrow you might doubt yourself, tomorrow you might regret these changes. But you have to know deep down that its right to progress on your own. It was his choice for it to be this way. When they walk away, they lose the power to influence your future. He can't expect you to sit around waiting for him to make up his mind. Ironically, that's probably precisely what he's doing.
Re: weird feeling.. thehitekrednek: It's a positive thing, and right now the more positives, the better.
Re: weird feeling.. AfterMath: Good for you Bird. I find that the pain does mellow over time. It's been 2+ years for me. It gets better, slowly but surely.
